F*** My Life.com

Whether to laugh or to commiserate, this site is gold.

(Hat-tip: Coworker Aaron.)

The Man Skirt

If you're Scottish and it's plaid and you wear the appropriate tall socks, that's fine, even kind of macho. If you're on a Caribbean beach and it's long and flower-patterned, and you're shirtless and buff, that's fine too. If you're some kind of ninja or monk or something, that's likewise totally acceptable.

But if it's just a skirt, no. No no no no no no no.

Pages

I bought the fourth book in the Twilight series yesterday and was surprised to find it clocks in at nearly 800 pages. One really good thing about this and the Harry Potter series is that they've taught kids not to be afraid of gigantic books, even to revel in them. I certainly never read anything even close to 800 pages until high school, when I discovered Stephen King. Nowadays you see 10-year-olds lugging around novels as big as they are. That has to bode well for the future of both the publishing industry and the American attention span.

New Moon: Stay Human or Get Lucky?

Maggie: I guess she is going to become a vampire at some point. I feel kind of sad. I was thinking that Edward probably doesn't want to see his delicate love chomping on a grizzly bear, and she probably doesn't want to have to watch him in killing action either. I wonder if they are going to make a big deal of their first hunt together.

I wonder how Bella's ability to block the special powers of all vampires will evolve if she's changed. It would be cruel of the author to have her power develop into something that put another barrier between her and Edward.

Ben: So you're pretty sure she's going to get vampirized at some point, huh? I think I'm equally as sure that she won't. My feeling is that in the end, Edward will die saving her life, and she'll get with Jacob. (That's my instinct at this point, anyway -- I remain 100% spoiler-virginal.)

Maggie: I'm still hoping she gets vampirized just because I want them to have sex. But I would be okay with it if he died protecting her from the Italian vampires and she got with Jacob. That would be deliciously tragic, but I like Jacob. I love that he was always so warm. I'd much rather snuggle up to a giant wolf man who was radiating heat than I would a smaller, stone-hard and stone-cold vampire body.

Ben: I like Jacob's warmth too. I think that alone is a big clue that he's the one Bella will end up with. As sexy and beautiful as Edward is, cold stone isn't something I'd particularly want to be in bed with (at least in the northern climate where they intend to live -- but I suppose it would be nice if they settled in Panama).

Maggie: Plus, theoretically she could have sex with Jacob, right? It's just anger that turns him, not general overwhelming emotions?

Ben: Here's an assignment for you: write some fan-fiction about Bella and Edward doing the deed.

Maggie: Your assignment made me realize that I don't really want them to do it. I'd rather just be teased for eternity!

Crumbling Book Industry

I sometimes sell used books on Amazon, so according to this article, I'm contributing to the demise of the book publishing industry.

What Text Messaging Costs

If you're like me, you frequently get annoyed with how much each text message you send costs, or how much extra you have to pay to have texts on your plan. Here's an article to justify your anger.

New Moon: Marriage and Hearing Voices

Maggie: So they are engaged? Or not? And was it really his thoughts/voice she was hearing or was it her imagination?

Ben: I think they're engaged-to-be-engaged. Seems Bella has a real aversion to marriage... As for the voices, I always just assumed it was her own conscience using his voice, like what she knew he would say if he were there to say it. You thought it was telepathy?

Maggie: I did imagine it as a telepathic connection since it only came up when she was in danger. I liked to imagine that he was able to keep tabs on her somehow. I didn't feel like she'd have been able to think clearly during the confrontation with Laurent, so especially with that scene, I felt sure she really was hearing his voice. I had no explanation for how that would happen. It was too sad to think she was truly just making it up.

New Moon: Werewolf Girl

Ben: Do you have the impression that Sam Uley maimed his wife's face in a fit of werewolfish rage? I was sure that's what happened, but now I'm not as sure. The werewolves don't seem to pose any danger to humans (at least intentionally) -- I think they only eat vampires.


Maggie: I am under the impression that Sam maimed his wife during the time when he was learning to control the temper that turns him. The werewolves are generally far less dangerous than the vampires. But Edward says that a young werewolf who hasn't learned to control himself can be very dangerous. Are werewolves only male?

Ben: So far the werewolves are all male, yes. They seem to only evolve in response to the presence of vampires. I hope there turns out to be lady werewolves, too, so they can be called she-wolfs.

New Moon: You Stinking Swear-Wolf

Maggie: I want more adult-like scenes. Like the makeout scene at the end -- they were touching each other's faces, which is romantic, but couldn't I just have a line where she runs her hands down his torso and maybe under his shirt to feel his skin? Or vice versa?

Ben: I agree about wanting more adultness. I just read a scene where Bella was really angry and she said "stinking" where any normal 18-year-old would say "fucking," you know? Or at least "damn." I'd rather have no swears at all than sanitized swears. Do you ever wonder what the book would be like if it were targeted at a 20-something audience? Say this is taking place in college instead of highschool. Or after college. If they're all 25. Would it be different?


Maggie: Towards the end of New Moon, she says "crap crap crap" when "shit" would have been much more realistic. I think it's stupid to use toned down swears. None at all are far better. I'm not sure it would work in college because Bella would be free to do anything she wanted without worrying about sneaking around her dad. The parental supervision adds to each minor and major crisis she goes through. Without Charlie to witness her going to pieces, would she ever have bothered to fake it long enough to go hang out with Jacob?

New Moon: Italy and Making Out

Maggie: The Italian vampires felt very Anne Rice-ish. In Interview With a Vampire, Brad Pitt's character also drinks animals' blood to avoid killing humans. They travel to Europe and run into vampire who seem more sophisticated but are cruel killers.



Ben: Their meeting in Italy was weak, I think. First Edward's like, "Oh, Bella's here, I must be dead." That's all? He kills himself over her, and then when he sees her, all he can do is ruminate on the afterlife? And once he realized he wasn't actually dead, there was no fanfare at all, really. I realize they were in the midst of a predicament, but shouldn't their joy have knocked everything else into the background, at least for a minute?


Maggie: I wasn't swooning at their reunion scene back in Bella's room as much as I thought I'd be. I loved that the make-out scene was a bit heavier than in Book One. And the vote that followed at the Cullens' house - I was kind of annoyed that Bella was just like "okay let's do this thing" as soon as the vote was completed in her favor. That didn't feel realistic.


Ben: I thought the should-we-bite-Bella vote was weird too, especially that Carlisle voted yes. I'm not sure that turning someone from mortal to undead really jibes with his Hippocratic Oath...

New Moon: Months Pass Without Edward

Maggie: I thought the scene where Edward leaves her in the woods was well-written. The descriptions of her depression were good. I've felt that crushing loss feeling before. It took my breath away when what followed was pages marked only October, November, December. What a creative way to show time passing with no meaning at all. My heart was broken just like Bella's.

Ben: Whew, I'm glad you're reading so I can finally mention the blank October, November, December pages. The first one I thought was just a normal part break, then the second and third ones were like a punch in the gut. And normally I don't care for textual inventions like that.

Have you minded Edward being off-screen for so much of the book? Are you less interested because of that? For me his absence works better than having them together. I think I'm more interested in Edward as an unattainable ideal. I relate to her longing for him. Her relationship with Jacob seems more mature and realistic or something.

Maggie: I don't mind that Edward was out of the picture for most of the book. Unrequited love is so much more interesting to read about.

If I was her and I felt sure that Edward was not coming back, I'd get together with Jacob. I mean, she may not love him romantically, but I bet lots of people out there in the world marry their best friend instead of their intense, passionate love.

I think if I was Bella, in real life, I would go for Jacob Black too. But since I'm reading about someone else's life, I'm glad she's taking the more reckless option and going with Edward. But Edward and Jacob are almost an even draw for me.

Quote for the Day

There are few places other than comic books where you can get away with lines like this:

"Guardian?! I thought you were -- "
"Dead? I got better."

--Superman #683

Shark attack

From the Department of Irony:

Witnesses reported seeing a dorsal fin and thrashing in the water before the sea turned red and the man vanished. Father-of three Brian Guest, 51, who had campaigned for many years for the protection of sharks... was attacked about 30 metres from the shore.

Dear Mr President-elect. Cont'd.

Interesting. Rick Warren's church apparently has removed anti-gay language from its website -- a small thing that could've been done for a number of reasons, but it does make me think that when Obama is associating with people with whom he disagrees, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to assume that they will influence him.

My earlier post here.

Buzzwords of 2008

A couple of my favorites:

Twi-hard: A fan of Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” book series about vampires. Rhymes with “die-hard.”

Phelpsian: Excellent in the fashion of the swimmer Michael Phelps.

Snow Day

Three days of snow in a row.

This afternoon, I snuggled under a blanket and watched a movie. I could hear kids yelling outside. It made me think of being little: I'd wake up, see the snow and wouldn't be able to get my snow clothes on fast enough. When snow meant playing and having fun, not grumbling and staying indoors.

Mad Men

I ordered the first disc from Netflix because I heard it was a good show. Mike and I watched the first episode and were both disgusted by it.

For him, as a former smoker, it was hard to watch every person in every scene smoking a cigarette.

For me, the portrayal of over-the-top sexism of the time was stomach-turning. I hope that maybe some of the female characters start to portray something of a feminist awakening in later episodes, but I'm not hanging around to wait for it. Nor am I optimistic that it ever happens.

Every single character was despicable - male or female. The women encourage each other to show more leg so the big-shot executives won't fire them. The men say things like, "Love doesn't exist - guys like me made it up to sell nylons." I don't mind shows that can be sad, like Six Feet Under often was, but I have a feeling this show will never make me feel good (Six Feet Under often did).

Quote of the day

"In a statement posted on the state's website at 5 a.m., [Governor] Patrick also urged businesses to tell employees not to come to the office today in an effort to avoid the gridlock that gripped the state last time a major storm struck during the afternoon commute."

--Posted by Ben... from the office.

(Hat tip: Co-worker Aaron, who diligently quantifies our misery....)

Dear Mr President-elect

I don't want to get into it too much (there's a decent argument here), but I think my first spat with Obama should make headlines of some sort. His selection of Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at his Inauguration was a bonehead move. Warren, among other dumb things, is against stem-cell research (which is currently saving my father-in-law's life) and thinks my marriage is somehow a violation of his free speech, whatever that means.

Obama has said he disagrees with the guy on a lot of things. Still. It's a missed opportunity. There are plenty of progressive clergy out there, who Obama could've put in the spotlight to show that the Religious Right doesn't have a monopoly on God or even on Christianity.

Boo, I say.

Final frontier

Mrs Roddenberry, who I happened to write about just a few days ago, passed away today at age 76.

Sad to see that.

Our Twilight

Ben: I'm looking into becoming a werewolf.

Maggie: Let's write a story about Ben as werewolf and Maggie as vampire.

Ben: Ooh. Let's. Can we fight for the love of a hot bisexual werepire?

Maggie: Excellent idea. Let's start by figuring out what he looks like... the details could take days to finalize. ;-)

**************************

Ben: So what should our werepire (assuming he should be a werepire at all (what is a werepire?)) look like?

Maggie: What if you're a werewolf, I'm a vampire, and our mutual love interest is something else. What else is there that he could be? If there are no options, then I think a werepire is a good idea - one who has to drink blood while in human form, but turns into a werewolf on the nights when the moon is full.

Ben: What if the love interest is just a mere-mortal human? We can have a throw-down for the right to change him into the winner's own immortal form.

Quote of the day

"As hard as it is to wait, as a reader, for a weekly update, it’s just as painful for your characters, who are living, breathing creations, to wait patiently in the dark for you to realize them onto the page. They’re no less real than you are; treat them that way."

--Karl Kerschl, one of my favorite comic book artists, on finding the time to keep his hobby projects going.

Beware the clutching of the face! Cont'd.

Apparently I was not the only one to notice this phenomenon.

There exists a blog devoted to pictures of stockbrokers clutching their faces. Gotta love the one from 1929.

Question for the day

Is it possible to write fanfic of your own work? Or is that an oxymoron?

If I were to write a story about Griff turning into a werewolf and robbing a bank, could it be fanfic or would it inevitably be canon, since I'm his creator?

If it's possible, is it sad?

Twilight: Vampirization

Ben: In the book, the vampires' physical beauty is attributed to an evolutionary advantage that draws in their prey. Since I don't think only models are allowed to become vampires, it makes me wonder what the vampires looked like before they were bit. When Edward was a mere mortal, were his features not quite as "absurdly ridiculously flawless" as they are post-vampirization? Did his eyes and nose adjust into perfect symmetry during the vampirization process? And along with their beauty augmentation, did they gain a heightened fashion sense, too, do you think? They all dress so well!

Maggie: I too wondered if they were beautiful before becoming vampires. They'd have to be, because some venom can't change the basic structure of your face, right? Things like that race through my mind and threaten to ruin books for me.

Ben: Well, in terms of someone transitioning from human to undead, it's not a great leap for me to imagine bone structure changing along with muscles, posture, etc. The vampire venom is probably a catalyst for major changes to DNA. Plus, the facial changes needed to turn an average-looking person into a model are probably depressingly minor anyway. A little off the brow, a little added to the cheekbones, and suddenly Sloth from The Goonies looks like Paul Newman.

Horton Hears a Who

On Sunday morning, we rolled out of bed and planted ourselves on the couch to watch Horton Hears a Who.

Jim Carrey was funny as the Grinch, though I didn't love the movie overall. Dr. Suess should not be live action. That big Grinch suit on a real person made it obvious that the Grinch probably should've worn pants. And the Who faces on the actors looked uncomfortable at best.

Jim Carrey as the voice of Horton was better. Though much sharper on Blu-ray, it reminded me of being a kid watching The Lorax or Green Eggs and Ham (except for a brief anime-style segment where Horton is imaging himself as a ninja who protects the tiny speck on which Whoville exists).

The evil Kangaroo who insists there are no people on the speck of dust felt like a blantantly obvious metaphor for the religious and political differences people clash over. That was part of the book, but it felt overshadowing in the movie.

There was nothing particularly outstanding about the movie - it was good because the book is great. When the Whos join together to make noise in an effort to save their world by proving to the other animals that they do in fact exist, it brought a tear to my eye.

And maybe it's just because I'm a crazy animal person, but I hoped that the line "A person's a person, no matter how small" could be interpretted not just as a cross-racial, cross-generational call for unity, but perhaps even as a call to respect animals - both wildlife and otherwise - more than we currently do.

That's probably just me being a crazy, but I looked down at the kittens scattered across the couch with me and wished that we as a society treated at least our companion animals better.

Shrek on Broadway

Lord almighty. Here's proof that some things should stay cartoons.

Before O-rise

If, like me, you're interested in graphic design, this interview with the designer of Obama's campaign logo is pretty cool. None of the alternate logos the design team came up with are near as good as the final one, but this one looks neat:


More alternate logos here.

Vice-Puppy

Looks like Mr and Mrs Biden will have some cute company when they move into the Naval Observatory next month.

It seems President-elect Barack Obama's children were not the only ones promised a dog after the presidential election. Biden's wife, Jill, made the same assurance to her husband if he and Obama, his running mate, won the election.

Since the puppy is from a K-9 breeder, I wonder if he'll join the Secret Service?

Is she a Mac or a PC?

Mrs Roddenberry will return to her role as the voice of the Enterprise computer in the upcoming Star Trek movie.

When I first heard about this reboot movie I was totally against it. Leave well enough alone, I thought. But almost everything I've seen of it since then has looked just right, including this.

Can she return as Lwaxana Troi, too?

Straight-razor shaving

A barber in Manhattan offers Cut Throat 101, a class in shaving with a straight razor.

New technology allows us to shave our face in just about any direction at any reasonable speed, like a freewheeling painter working on a shaving cream canvas. Operating a straight razor is different. It requires the precision of a surgeon and the flexibility of a yoga master.

My tip? Just don't shave at all.

Twilight: The Movie

I had to keep in mind that the movie, like the book, is aimed at teenage girls. So I tried not to be annoyed when it felt cheesy, melodramatic, even campy. I left the theater hating it. It felt too much like a TV movie. But by the time I got home, I felt better about it.

It was fun to compare my imagination to the visuals in the movie. I enjoyed hearing the song referred to in the book - Clare De Lune by Debussy. The name of it sounded familiar when I read it in the book. When they played it in the movie, I recognized it as the closing music to Ocean's 11. Overall, the soundtrack was decent, but the music felt too loud during a few scenes. It made me think, "Is this part of a montage?" It was distracting. But I loved that they used a Muse song.

Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella, reminded me a lot of the actress who played Jake Gyllenhal's love interest in Donnie Darko. Not only do they look alike, but her acting reminded me of that character too.

Edward wasn't quite as dreamy as I hoped. But it's hard to live up to the portrayal in the book, so I'll take it. But his make-up was bad. He looked absurd in some scenes. He rescues Bella countless times, and is both inhumanly strong and delicately gentle, polite and threatening. Robert Pattinson tried hard to convey the subtle shifts in emotion that Edward frequently experiences. For the most part, he did okay (exception being the scene where they first sit together in the biology lab).

I expected the other boys at school to be at least cute but they were normal looking people. And I don't mean Hollywood normal people. The boy who plays Jacob Black was cute. Looks like he'll have grown into a hottie by the next movie.

The sexual suspense between Edward and Bella felt more like a metaphor for abstinence that it does in the book. That irked me. When Bella's presence tempts him and they again acknowledge that part of him wants to kill her, I found myself rolling my eyes. But the movie also gives them a bit of a steamier kiss scene than the book - I was happy for that.

When they were being flirty high schoolers with each other onscreen, it occurred to me he's really 100 years old. Surely he would have matured beyond the mentality of a 16-year-old girl? This was less of an issue in the book (thankfully, because how could I explain that age gap away?).

Finally, the movie ended with prom, which was the icing on the cringe cake. I felt embarrassed to be sitting alone at a teen movie, surrounded by packs of teen girls. I rushed out as soon as the credits began.

Late night early

Moving Jay Leno to 10PM seems like a great idea to me. I've always liked the old-fashioned variety-show nature of the late-night talk shows, but they're on too late for me to watch on a regular basis.

Still, I wish it was Conan instead. Conan's gotta be miffed. After getting ready to become the king of late-night when he takes over the Tonight Show this spring, suddenly he's still going to be following Leno...

On the other hand, Conan's better as an underdog.

Today's Forecast

"Well, folks, it's going to blow today."


-NPR Weather Man

Mail

Every time I mail a letter I find it a little impossible to imagine it will get where it's supposed to go. The postal service is as mysterious as God.

Twilight Theories: A werewolf?

Ben: What if she's a werewolf? She can smell blood. He can't read her thoughts, suggesting that maybe she isn't human. Best of all, from a story perspective, what better than to make her a vampire's worst enemy? How Romeo & Juliet is that?

Maggie: I guess it's a possibility...

Ben: Maybe the Indians are werewolves. Maybe Jacob is a werewolf.

Maggie: Werewolves are not sexy.

Twilight Theories: A ghost?

Ben: What if she becomes a vampire too? Or or or what if she can't become a vampire because she's already dead? What if she died before the story even starts and now she's just a ghost? That's why she's so pale.

Maggie: OOOoooh, I wasn't thinking of twists like that. But have you ever heard of a clumsy ghost?

Ben: No, but maybe if she's not paying attention her feet sink through the floor so it only looooks like she's falling down. She's actually going through.

Fairly smart

Anyone who's ever had two dogs at the same time, or two cats, knows this is true.

However, I think the article is confusing a sense of fairness with a sense of unfairness. Many is the dog who complained when his sibling got a treat and he didn't. But show me the dog with two milkbones who's willing to give one to the dog who has none!

Weather Stripper

Saturday I went to Home Depot and bought some foam weather-stripping for around our condo's front door, which is not so much drafty as un-private. The walls between the condo units are miraculously sound-proof -- it's easy to imagine we're in our own house because we never hear any hint of the neighbors.... except when they're in the lobby. Then, because of the spaces around our door, it's like the door isn't there at all. So when we're watching TV -- and Dexter is chainsawing a person to bits or Bette & Tina are going down on each other -- and I hear one of the neighbors coming home, or someone checking their mail, I get embarrassed. I've always turned the volume down quick when I hear someone enter, which makes me feel like we have no privacy. But the foam makes a big difference. Dexter is now free to slash away and I don't need to worry about the neighbors getting suspicious.

Favreau-Groping We Can Believe In

Obama's young speechwriter is a linguistic prodigy... with a thing for cardboard cut-outs.

Synesthesia

Interesting article on tasting words and other varieties of synesthesia:

The most common forms of synesthesia involve associations of words, letters, or numbers with colors. Some estimates say that as many as 1 in 200 people may have word-color synesthesia.

I would be one of those 1-in-200. I've always gotten subtle vibes of color-feeling from words. With some words it's a lot stronger than others, but it's the strongest with names. The name Owen, for example, reminds me of the color yellow (for me the colors don't change -- a yellow word is always yellow). I never knew my word-color association had a name until a writing class in college when the teacher brought it up. Me and one other kid were like, "Wait, other people have that?"

I gave one of the main characters in my book a form of synesthesia I've never actually heard of, but which seems logical: he feels emotions in color. Normally it's reversed, and moods result from colors (why doctors offices are painted in calming earth-tones and never twitchy bright colors like fire-engine red). Maybe that's why I like words so much -- words I associate with pretty colors put me in a good mood. But I also like the idea that it could be the other way around for some people, that winning $100 on a scratch ticket could make them feel orange or purple or blue.

Thought for the day

Trust me, you haven't heard freaky until you've heard David Sedaris do a Billie Holiday impression.

Change.gov

Anyone following the Change.gov blog at all? On one hand it's kind of boring -- do you care to see a video of the new secretary of health & human services in a meeting on healthcare? -- but kind of fascinating too simply because it's there. I sense that the Obama administration is going to make it very easy for those so inclined to keep track of what they're up to.

Prop 8 - The Musical

An entertaining video from Will Ferrel's ridiculous website. As if Jack Black as Jesus wasn't good enough, Doogie's in it too. (I could do without seeing Andy Richter in short-shorts, though.)

As a sidenote, it's funny to see celebrities tackle a medium (the web video) perfected by amateurs. Who's imitating who now?

Vestival?

Um, no thanks.

Update: One of our readers went through with it.

Paraphrase of the Day

Pam: There was a poop on the front steps this morning.
Me: A poop?
Pam: A human poop.
Me: Did someone clean it up?
Pam: Someone put a napkin over it.

Twilight: Sexy Vampires

Maggie: What is it about vampires that is so sexy?

Ben: I think it's the sucking.

Maggie: I think it's the sucking and the neck. If they sucked blood from your arm or leg, it'd be a lot less sexy.

Ben: I think you're right about the neck. Leg-sucking is much less sexy.

Twilight: The Book

After a fourth person gushed about it, I picked up the first book in the Twilight series. Twilight is a young adult novel about a high school girl who falls in love with a vampire. The vampire returns her affection, but wants to drink her blood despite his strong love for her.

So starts the cliches: The vampires are godlike in their beauty. They can't go out in the sun. They become frenzied at the smell of blood. They hate themselves for being killers. Native Americans on a nearby reservation have an ancient pack with them.

The girl: Bella Swan is the biggest damsel in distress I can recall. Edward, her vampire love, is constantly rescuing her. She constantly needs his help. She's weak, clumsy, and slow both physically and mentally in comparison to his super-senses. She makes stupid decisions. She is no kind of role model for teen readers.

And I would love to be her.

I wish I could jump into the book, just for a chapter or so, and take her place. Because despite all of the cliches, Twilight is the best book I've read in months.

I can't remember the last time I thought a character in a book was as drop-dead sexy as Edward. (I want him. I want him.) Nor do I remember the last time I sped through a book this fast: I read the first 200 pages before I even realized it. I couldn't wait to get on the train on Monday and Tuesday just so I could get back to the story. I thought about the book, and about Edward, during work. Many times.

Just as Edward fights the compulsion to bite Bella, I am fighting the urge to rush out and devour the second book. I was unable to force myself to savor Book One, but I am going to wait to start Book Two for as long as possible.

Adblock Plus

For users of FireFox, Adblock Plus is a useful add-on. Quickens page-load speeds by not downloading the banner ads that litter your favorite websites (where once was ads will now be empty space). I could do without the red stop-sign icon it places in the toolbar, though.

Secretary of Bad Eyewear

Senator Daschle, you simply cannot be allowed into the Obama administration until you give Sally Jesse Raphael back her glasses!

Now that's what I call a Swimsuit Issue!

Sports Illustrated named everyone's favorite swimming sensation Sportsman of the Year.



(Hubba hubba.)

Yes I Will

be downloading this free Obamafier plug-in for PhotoBooth tonight.



Stay tuned for pics tomorrow.

Open Thread

Wow, do we need a Gossip Girl open thread?

XOXO
Gossip Ben

Something Said About Me Last Night

"Wow, she really obliterated that coat tree."

Babawah Wahwah

Nice Barbara Walters interview with the Obamas. Wait for the lipstick moment.

Elementary, my dear Watson

Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law had to flee the set [of Sherlock Holmes] when a gas tanker exploded in a fireball. Then, Downey Jr. was knocked unconscious by 350-pound stuntman who accidentally punched him during a fight scene. The actor was “out cold” for six seconds and “drooling blood” before medics could bring him around.

It's funny, but can't you just picture RDJr getting knocked out by a stuntman? Then he'd stagger back to his feet with a brrrr of the lips and a sarcastic double entendre.

This American Life

The Showtime version of the This American Life radio show is unusually macabre. Yes, you will see the cracked-out wife of a bloated former guitarist in a cemetery weep over an album of old photos. Yes, you will see a plastic tube of boar jizz plunged into a pig's vagina during a round of meat-factory insemination. Yes, you will see a stubborn farmer gored repeatedly in the loins by his cloned pet bull.

You will even be slightly offended by Ira Glass's glasses.

All in all, you'll see that This American Life has a face for radio.

Happy Anniversary to me

As one of my coworkers pointed out, today is my five-year anniversary at work.

Well, five years minus the perks-negating 8-month sabbatical I spent quivering unemployed in the putrid bowels of Providence, Rhode Island.

Five years in spirit!

Slave to decorum

From a review of a biography of old-school etiquette guru Emily Post:

The flawless performance of roles is a pretty good definition of etiquette. Mrs. Post said over and over that "character" mattered far more than "trivialities of deportment" when it came to correct manners. Yet she kept faith with traditional social hierarchies... She was so companionable with her maid, for instance, that they used to go to the movies together, arm in arm, then out for ice cream. But at dinnertime, Hilda ate in the servants' quarters, and Mrs. Post sat at the dining table alone.

I read that review weeks ago and the image of the woman eating alone at a big table stuck with me as particularly sad. Certainly she would've enjoyed herself more if she'd flipped convention the bird and invited her maid to the table. Sometimes I'm too much of a slave to decorum too. For example, I feel guilty staying in bed past a certain hour on the weekend, even if there's no one home and I have nothing to do.

Then again, I did marry a dude, so I guess it balances out.

Quote of the Day

"He wanted to have sex under the stairwell. I was like, I ain't having sex under no stairwell. I ain't having sex in no creepy alley either. I'm a princess."

--High school girl on the T.

For when you should be working

Check out Google's archive of LIFE Magazine photos going back to the Civil War. Pretty lovely.

Death and the Ring

On my way to the gym, the transit police and ambulance service people were covering the body of a dead guy on a stretcher. I couldn't see who it was or if it was any of the homeless men who are typically around Back Bay Station.

In the locker room, when I pulled my shirt over my head, it snagged the stone on my ring and tore it out. I found the stone on the floor, placed it carefully in the locker thinking the jewelry store could easily pop the stone back into the setting.

Before leaving the gym, I put the ring back on my hand but had no safe place for the stone, so I decided to hold it between my fingers until I got back to my desk.

This was successful until I got to the Vanguard Medical building by Back Bay Station. My faced itched. I scratched it with the hand holding the stone. And pop! It snapped out from my fingers and I didn't see it drop.

I put down my gym bag, pulled back my hair and got down on my knees to start scouring the brick. It must have bounced into a crack.

The more I looked, the more it wasn't there. People walked by staring at me like I was a crazy person. Tears started to form. Now I'm crazy and crying, I told myself.
After 15 minutes of crawling on the brick mere feet from where someone died a half hour earlier, the tears were getting too heavy and I couldn't see through them. I gave up.

Back at my desk, feeling sorry for myself, I took the clothes out of my gym bag. The little blue stone plopped onto my desk. It hadn't fallen in the street, it had fallen into my bag.

Dated

"I'm a Nintendo in a PS3 world."

Thought of the Day

I know that until January 20 President-elect Obama has no more constitutional authority than I do (he's not even a senator anymore, as of, I think, Sunday)... and, harrumph, I guess it's a good sign that he's exhibiting respect for the rule of law by refraining from setting up a shadow presidency, which given the circumstances it would probably be very easy for him to get away with...

But still.

Can't we just make him president, like, today?

If Bush's goons have another two months to mismanage the economy we'll all be wearing barrels and potato sacks to the Inaugural Ball.

Shack Attack

I was surprised to see that Shaquille O'Neal is still playing basketball. By now he must be an old man (by pro sports standards, at least). He was playing when I was in sixth grade. I remember that specifically. In Spelling class that year, I remember this kid named Luke (fill in the last name, Mom) leaning over to show me a picture he'd drawn of a garden shed slam-dunking.

"It's a Shack Attack," he whispered with a conspiratorial snort. "Get it?"

I did not. And it was years before I did.

The early bird catches the bookworm

I love books but rarely can get through one. In the last six months I bet I've read the first half of more than a dozen books, but the second half of only two or three. Mostly I'm crippled by choice -- if a book isn't knocking my socks off, why should I spend one second more on it, when there are so many others that might be better?

I used to buy books, and my shelves have grown littered with abandoned novels sprouting receipt-bookmarks from their middle pages. Now I use the library, but still, dropping a book down the Returns chute two-thirds read still leaves me feeling guilty.

The other day I recognized there was a problem when I returned a book by my favorite sci-fi author, Alastair Reynolds, less than half-read. It was a typically good read but I just couldn't plow through it.

So I returned to my favorite book, what Steinbeck called his "first book" (implying that everything he'd written before was just preparation), East of Eden, just so I could remember what it's like when time and page numbers disappear. The writing is so good, I swear it breaks my heart at least once per page. I'll encounter a sentence so beautiful it seems to demand something of me, that I cut it out and frame it or use it to try to cure sadness and hunger. Sometimes I'll go back and read the whole page out loud. Other times, if I'm alone, I'll set the book down and say "Yeow!"

A happy couple

The news and pictures out of Connecticut this morning were extra meaningful for me in light of what went down in California last week -- maybe because of what went down in California last week. When the CT Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage in October, it barely registered on my radar. But since last week I've been counting the days till the ruling went into the effect. Just so Massachusetts wouldn't be the only state anymore. One is a lonely number. And one feels vulnerable.

What hit me so hard about California (and why I think it'll be marked as a turning point in the gay civil rights movement) was that it was the first time gay people were stripped of an existing, active and in-use right. Lots of other states have passed legislation to prevent marriage equality. But it's far more meaningful and devastating to have it and then to have it ripped away. And it's a wake-up call.

Until last week I'd grown complacent. That's why the ruling in CT barely registered for me. I thought being on the right side of history was enough, because the right side always ultimately prevails. What I guess I failed to realize until the loss of California (and it was a big loss) is that the right side doesn't prevail inevitably. Change doesn't come merely by expecting it. I think I'm not alone in realizing this now.

So today should be celebrated. Two is a glorious number.

Doggie Soup Kitchen, Part 2

For you, Maggie:



They need a hypoallergenic dog because Malia is allergic. May I suggest a cocker-poo!

Doggie Soup Kitchen

The city of Berlin in Germany opened a soup kitchen for the dogs of homeless and impoverished residents.

It warms my heart that people not only realize that the recession effects households' ability to feed their pets, but that they are doing something about it.

Local food pantries around me have begun to collect pet food in addition to people food.

In other animal news, President Elect Barack Obama has said that his family is looking to adopt a dog. They will get one from a shelter, not a pet store or breeder. I love this guy.

44

Imagine that.

Election Day

It's like Christmas, Fourth of July, and a root canal, all rolled up in one.

Mi mi mi mi mi!

When I stuck my Obama 08 sticker on my car 22 months ago, I stuck it because Obama was fresh and young and new, and because he spoke of an America I wanted to believe in.

But between then and now he's impressed me in a variety of ways I didn't even consider in the beginning. Unlike both of his competitors, he didn't bankrupt his campaign, which shows he knows how to manage (my) money. Unlike both of his competitors, he didn't need staff shake-ups, which shows he knows how to hire people who can get the job done. He's proven to have an unflappable temperament and a willingness to be bold when the situation calls for it. He's done what he said he was going to do in terms of expanding the Democratic electoral map and winning over Republicans.

And his message of a united America has never changed. Barack himself never changed. I kept waiting for what I thought was the inevitable cringey moment -- like John Kerry pheasant-hunting to show he was a regular guy -- but Obama never jumped through any hoops. He was what he was.

I know he's not going to be some kind of American messiah. I know he's not going to transform the world. It'll be enough if he's able to keep things from getting any worse. But I'm 27 and so far in my experience a president is someone either to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. That we might have one to be admired is thrilling.

Thrilling too is the idea that America is on the verge of proving that a man who forty-five years ago would've been blasted with a fire hose just for wanting a decent seat at the movies, can now be elected to our highest office. That gives me hope. That means that somewhere in Des Moines or San Antonio a gay kid will look at the paper Wednesday and see Black man elected president and she'll believe in a new option for herself. That is progress.

So. Two years this race has been going on, and finally the fat lady is warming up. She's getting ready to sing. And if you look close, you'll spy a little sticker on that viking hat of hers. We'll find out for sure tomorrow what the sticker says, but I think the sticker says HOPE.

Your little hater vs. creativity

Rope-a-dope

My letter to Atlantic Monthly writer Andrew Sullivan, since it probably won't make it onto his blog:

Andrew, regarding your chafing over Obama's silence on Prop 8, the only thing that frightens me more than the passage of Prop 8 is the idea of Obama becoming involved in it. Because I believe he's a good and decent man, I choose to believe that he wants to speak out against it. But we cannot risk -- and I assume both he and his staff understand he cannot risk -- Obama becoming the "gay marriage candidate" in the closing days of this campaign.

I am a gay man and married, and although I live in Massachusetts, my own marriage will feel a lot more vulnerable if my Californian friends lose the right to theirs. But, Andrew: North Carolina, Georgia, Louisiana, Arizona -- two months ago I would've promised to eat my hat if Obama won any of these states, but here we are. He will likely win the presidency, but he also has a real shot at a whopping mandate that will help the entire country at last to say "goodbye to all that." Obama could probably tilt California's civil rights battle in the right direction if he were to step into it. But I believe he can tilt all states if he doesn't.

Remember, Andrew: rope-a-dope. Barack knows when to land his punch.

Sincerely,
Ben

Shark, Consider Yourself Jumped

Earlier today, Ben and I were lamenting what has so far been a lame third season of Heroes.

So I was delighted to encounter this slideshow of shows that have jumped the shark this season. Heroes is included, as well as Prison Break (which I gave up on at the moment listed as the shark-jumper) and Project Runway, which a dear friend of ours from college works on.

What happened to you, TV? You used to be cool.

Us and Them

"I like them better than us."


- Brother

You've got to give 'em hope.

I'm thankful that Massachusetts was spared the public-relations battle over marriage equality that's currently raging in California, where polls show the anti-gay constitutional amendment somehow perilously close to passing on November 4. Although I'll be affected by the outcome in CA, whatever it ends up being, I'm glad that I'm not being pummeled with anti-gay ads in my home state. For that I must once again tip my hat to Governor Patrick, who risked his new political capital to help squash our constitutional amendment in 2007. Whatever else he does or does not accomplish during his time in office, I'll always be in his debt for that.

Happily ever after, this time

Today I checked into a seminar a woman -- older, with gray hair pulled back -- by the name of Juliet Montague. After she had taken her book and gone into the classroom, I realized I had a huge smile on my face. It was her name. I felt like jumping up and down.

Rolling Stone's new look

Three cheers for the new size and format of Rolling Stone. If the change had come while I was in college and still in the habit of decorating my dorm-room walls with photos from the magazine's (formerly) oversize pages, I would've been offended. But now that I'm a commuter first and no longer decorate my living space with band photos and fashion ads, the smaller size is welcome. It fits much better in the hand and the backpack, and I like its new glossy pages. The first issue in the new size is the first one I've ever taken with me to work.

Quote of the Day

On decorating:

Heather: I think I may get a small rug... eventually.
Ben: I got some good rugs cheap at Ikea.
Ben: Well, not good. But sufficient.
Heather: Haha. Yeah, that should be Ikea's slogan.
Heather: We may not be good... but we're sufficient. IKEA.

The Future

Saturday night, at the bar where happiness goes to die, an elderly drunk guy gave me and Mike some interesting advice.

He said, "Don't worry too much about the future. Because it's going to come. And it's going to be stupid."

Artsy Fartsy Liberal

During a recent political conversation, my mom repeated a sentiment she's expressed several times. She said, "Emerson turned you into such a liberal, Maggie."

I've heard variations on this over the years. She has often wondered aloud (and sometimes as an accusation), "Where did you come from?"

I'm the type who generally does what I'm told, so it's a mystery to me how I came out believing the opposite of what my parents believe. And Emerson College may be the reason.

I applied to go there because the two tour guides had huge tattoos, piercings and brightly dyed hair. And because they had a writing program that was supposedly pretty great. I also liked that it was right in the city.

It's a cliche, but being there opened my eyes to lots of things. I felt like the most boring, plain student there. Aside from the millions of wild ways my fellow students dressed and decorated their skin and hair, they all seemed so informed. And they all cared passionately about things. They were strict vegans. They cared about the integrity of art. They protested the war in 2003. They gathered publicly in support of gay rights. They cared about the election; they volunteered to work in support of their candidate's campaign.

I didn't care about anything when I got there. I'm slow to change so I think it took me a while for the example of my peers to sink in. But I think I'm such a "crazy liberal, like that liberal hippie Jon Stewart" (as my mom says) because of the exposure to all of the crazy liberals at Emerson.

My mom may feel like she shelled out money for what ended up being liberal brainwashing, but I'm thankful for it. Thankful to my mom for letting me go to "that artsy fartsy school" and for paying my way. And thankful for what I learned from the other students there.

I like to think that Emerson helped me become the person I was already on my way towards being. It just nudged me there faster and educated me in the process. But I wonder if I'd have gone the other way if I'd attended, say, Bob Jones University?

Progress

Three down, forty-seven to go.

Beware the clutching of the face!

A note to photojournalists everywhere: please come up with a new graphical representation of the plunging economy! The Wall Street dudes clutching their faces is getting really tired!






How about a new theme of these guys wearing barrels with suspenders... clutching their faces?

But take heart

Yesterday at a McCain rally when McCain asked his new favorite question, "Who is the real Barack Obama?," some guy in the crowd screamed "A terrorist!" McCain looked a little startled, then continued on with his speech. (Video here.) He should've had the guy dragged out by the tongue.

Later at a Palin rally, after she did her "Obama pals around with terrorists" shtick, an audience member suggested, "Kill him!" She, of course, did nothing about it either.

To quiet my rage, I look at today's election projection, and take heart:



28 days to go. In the meantime, as McCain continues to encourage/permit the kind of behavior mentioned above, I hope the Secret Service stay at the top of their game.

(Hat tip to FiveThirtyEight.com.)

Bailout

A good article about the failed bailout package from one of my favorite indepdent magazines, YES! Magazine.

Quote of the Day

From blogger Ezra Klein on the late Paul Newman -- one of the sweetest things I've seen written about anyone in a while:

"Married to Joanne Woodward, his second wife, for 50 years this winter, Newman always looked at her like something he'd pulled out of a Christmas stocking. He looked at his daughters that way, too. It was like, all these years later, he couldn't quite believe he got to keep them."

Country First?

After the presidential debate last Friday, Joe Biden made the TV news rounds for the usual post-debate spin. Following Biden's segment, Brian Williams, with perhaps a trace of annoyance in his voice, said that NBC had invited Sarah Palin to come on too, and she declined. Rudy Giuliani spoke instead.

Huh?

A couple days earlier, journalists had been allowed 29 seconds in the same room with Palin to photograph her, but they weren't allowed to ask her any questions.

I won't get any points for originality with this observation, but especially after that cringe-inducing Katie Couric interview last week, it's increasingly clear that McCain is afraid to let Palin speak, and why. In each of the three interviews she's given since her nomination (for comparison, Biden has done at least 80 in the same period) she's revealed herself to be woefully out of her league. McCain's response has been to hide her. He's even gone so far as to suggest that the VP debate should be canceled.

This is the person into whose hands John McCain would commit the country if anything bad were to happen to him. He obviously doesn't trust her to give an interview, but we're supposed to believe he does trust her to manage multiple wars and a crashing economy? Does that make a lick of sense to you?

How can he run under the slogan of Country First (and actually bash Obama for "putting politics ahead of country"), and do this: look America in the eye and say things like (as he has repeatedly) Palin has foreign policy experience because her state is close to Russia? That's the kind of thing a low-level staffer would say on cable news and then get fired for because it's so patently ridiculous. McCain knows it's ridiculous. Watch how he nervously plays with his hands when Palin gives a speech and tells her Bridge-to-Nowhere lie.

In his defense, I highly doubt he's planning on dying in office. I'm sure he's thinking, "Wow, I really fucked up picking someone I only met once -- but if I can keep it under wraps until after election day, her job will be done." But jeez. The man is 72 years old and has had cancer four times. I have more insurance on my fucking car than John McCain is putting on the United States of America.

This is a man I used to respect. My parents own his book; my dad spent countless hours building McCain a model of his Vietnam plane that was presented to McCain by a mutual friend. Maybe that's why I'm so angry. McCain's campaign has turned into one giant insult. It's a slap in the face to anyone who thought he might make a good president.

He should, by rights, be disqualified from the presidency. He's unfit. His lack of judgment, his willingness to swindle and lie, and his shoot-from-the-hip theatrics (suspension of campaign!) make George Bush look like Abraham Lincoln.

At the very least, he should recognize his poor judgment and ask Palin to withdraw from the race. But that's political suicide and akin to dropping out himself -- there are no do-overs in this game. His future is tied to hers -- he wants this job, and if he has to foist an incompetent potential-president on America to get it, clearly he'll do it. He is doing it. He continues to run, and he continues to hide her; he continues to look you in the face and tell you she's qualified to be president. All under the banner of Country First.

What a mockery.

There once was a man named John McCain who deserved the plane my father made for him. That man is gone -- and by the looks of things, he may only ever have been a myth.

Paul Newman

Farewell to a classy man.

Just sayin'

.

I love the Internet

(And I miss Heath.)

Side Effects

It's so cool to know people who've written books. Most recently: one of my former editors.

Bitch Magazine

I've had a subscription for Bitch Magazine for six years.

I love the articles that dissect ads, TV shows, and other cultural issues. And on top of that, I always get good recommendations for books, and great recommendations for music from the reviews section.

But like many other magazines lately (including the ones I used to work for), Bitch may be closing up shop.

As an independent, feminist magazine, they are extremely picky about what ads they'll run. And they haven't folded to the pressure to have an "editorial" fashion section like Bust disappointingly did a couple of years back.

I'm going to send $25 to Bitch and hope that others do the same. I don't want it to go the same way as Clamor, a magazine I had only just begun to read when it folded.

What independent magazines do you like? Which did you read that are no longer around?

MILK

Sad that this guy has been all but forgotten by history.

Quote of the Day

"Hot beverages aren't my cup of tea, but I'm starting to warm up to them."

--Me, to Tom

Bizarre Quote for the Day

A woman is walking a very large dog, white with black spots, in Downtown Crossing. Two guys observe.

Guy 1: What is that?
Guy 2: It's a Dalmation.
Guy 1: A Dalmation?
Guy 2: It's a Dalmation mixed with a hound.

It was a Great Dane.

Resurfaced Species

I love stories like this one, in which 50 years have past since the last sighting of this African species.

They thought it was extinct.

I like it because, in my densely populated life, it seems magical that something could go unseen for half a decade. I guess there is still some wilderness out there.

100 Movie Quotes

An awesome montage of movie clips, counting down from 100.

Bounce

Quote of the Day

"Now that the Republican ticket is defined, you're going to start seeing bumper stickers that say Racists for Obama."

--Dennis Connors

O and Joe

Rarely am I happy to be woken up at 3:19 a.m., but last night at that time I was pleased to receive Obama's text message announcing his VP. I stuck the glowing phone in Chris's face, waking him up too.

"It's Biden!" I squealed.

When you get your dream ticket in the middle of the night, it's awful hard to go back to sleep.

This is a good choice for Barack. Biden is no yes-man, and that says a lot of about the confidence Obama has in his own judgment -- he's willing to be challenged. I've heard him mention in the past Lincoln's strategy of filling his cabinet with his rivals. If he's going to follow that mold, this is a good start.

Anyway... There's a certain harsh reality that comes with getting your dream ticket. What if they win and get to the White House and suck? I'll feel silly. So my rah-rah fandom lasts only until Inauguration Day. After that, they'll have to earn it day by day.

Veep me, baby II

It's 9:40 PM on Friday, and still no VP-announcing text message from Obama. I feel like an expectant father.

So I'm a Control Freak

A friend from high school and his wife are coming to visit me Labor Day weekend. He had many things he wanted to do, but I narrowed them down and tried to make a plan, because I need a plan, both for each individual day of my life, and for weekend visits.

I told him our options:

Me:

If you want to do the Sam Adams brew tour, it only runs on Saturdays, so you'd have to go into Boston as soon as you get here on Saturday. Fenway Tours and Science Museum are open Sundays.

SATURDAY:
1. You go into Boston for the brew tour and we will stay home.
2. We all hang in the suburbs, maybe go to Walden Pond or to Lexington/Concord, and then we'll make dinner.

SUNDAY:
We'll all go into Boston, go on a Fenway Tour and then hit the Science Museum (and maybe see 3-D shark movie?!?) and then have dinner.

Him:

That sounds like a plan to me, man. Then do you wanna plan out the
rest of my life? It would make things so much easier.

Frozen treat

I'm currently experiencing the strongest Coffee Coolata ever made. It's already gotten up and walked across my desk several times, and when I stirred it up it gained its own gravitational pull.

I expect to have a black eye and a fat lip by the time I'm done drinking this sucker.

Leave Netflix alone!

It drives me crazy when people hate on Netflix. The company's had shipping problems the last couple days -- it's a minor thing, I'm sure; there's no reason it should be a major headline on every news site.

Give Netflix a break! I'm not offended by this problem. I don't mind waiting an extra couple days for my movies. I've been a Netflix member since 2002 and this is the first inconvenience in an otherwise stellar record of service. I do not want the credit they're offering to cry-baby subscribers to make up for this. If you think you deserve a credit because you had to wait an extra day for your copy of Bring It On 3, you're a d-bag.

Recently I got an email from Netflix about a lawsuit. Apparently in 2006 Netflix was the target of a class-action lawsuit (which I almost always think are bullshit on principle, and this is no exception) for something ridiculous like "it's false advertising to call the service unlimited because postage takes time," etc., etc. Netflix lost. As part of the settlement, and because I had a membership during the period in dispute, Netflix is giving me a free month of upgraded service. I don't want it! I wish I could opt out. I don't want Netflix losing money on me. (It is, after all, the only service I can think of that has actually gotten cheaper over the years.)

Because what if there was no Netflix? I wish people would think about that before they sink their vampire teeth into Netflix's neck. When they bleed the company dry and force it to fold, are these people really going to drive to Blockbuster instead? I don't think so!

In closing: Leave Netflix alone! *Sob*

Update: I received two Netflix discs in the mail today, on schedule.

Veep me, baby

With Obama's V.P. pick imminent, there are a lot of names still swirling around. Since everybody and their uncle is getting in on the speculation game, here are my official picks:

Obama will choose either Gov. Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas, or Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware.

I don't know much about Sebelius except that she's been a successful governor of a very red state and has a prominent role in the Obama campaign. Conventional wisdom says Obama needs a stodgy white man to offset his blackness, but I wouldn't be surprised if instead he doubles-down on the newness factor and adds a woman to his ticket.

It's been no secret that an Obama/Biden ticket is my dream ticket. Biden is a foreign policy god. It's true he puts his foot in his mouth a lot, but that's only because he has room in there because there's never any bullshit coming out of it.

Will it be one of these two, or someone else? Time will tell.

Sigh of relief

As the news about John Edwards' affair comes out, the Democrats breathe a collective sigh of relief that their nominee only got lei'd.



Haha. I crack myself up.

Liveblogging the Opening Ceremony

8:05 - Quite a building, that bird's nest.

8:08 - President Bush enters the stadium and takes his seat. Ugh. He's a disaster, but he's our disaster, and when they say that the office is bigger than the person, I guess this is what they mean, because I feel some modicum of pride that he's there.

8:10 - 2,008 drummers moving in unison. Costas suggests that they're kind of... intimidating. He's right. Apparently the drummers were told during rehearsal to smile a lot. I can see why.

8:17 - "...To the more than one billion Chinese watching tonight." Further intimidating. One of my recurring dreams is an invasion nightmare wherein I look out the window and find the streets filled with foreign soldiers. This isn't helping.

8:22 - They're unscrolling across the floor a video screen the size of a football field. Color me impressed.

8:23 - It just occurred to me that all the performers so far are male.

8:24 - The video scroll is the world's largest LED screen. This is what $300 million buys, apparently.

8:32 - These flowing block things are incredible.

8:52 - It's like TRON come to life.

8:59 - OK, I'm bored now. Let's see some pole vaulting.

Olympics is for lovers

The Olympics is starting at just the right time. I have massive presidential campaign fatigue, so it's a relief that the campaigns will be going on semi-hiatus while the world turns its eyes to Beijing. For the next couple weeks I'll happily allow the news to move my attention away from John McCain's energy plan and place it squarely on Michael Phelps's sexy new mustache.


Let the Games begin!

A Summer Thought

When I was a kid, I thought that the waves only crashed onto the beach during the summer.

As an adult, I watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, and felt surprised that the waves were there during the winter beach scenes.

Why so serious?

Some belated thoughts on The Dark Knight:

A fantastic action movie -- surprising, twisty, tense, scary -- but not quite enough mythical Batman mystique for me. With the decision to make this movie as real-world as possible (even more so than Batman Begins), there's a trade-off, and the result lacks poetry.

Batman isn't just an action-movie star interchangeable with Nicolas Cage or Denzel Washington. He's been around for almost 70 years. He's an icon and an American myth, right up there with Pecos Bill and Paul Bunyan, and The Dark Knight didn't treat him as such enough for me. Begins did. For example, the scene where Bruce's parents are murdered (the crucial moment of the Batman legend) felt like an opera on screen; it had the weight it deserved. The Dark Knight has no equivalent moment. We never even see the Batcave.

Heath Ledger was amazing, though. I read somewhere someone say that everyone else who's ever played the Joker was merely a caretaker for a role that Heath now owns, and that's definitely true. My fondness for the sweet blond Heath Ledger over the course of his entire too-short career has been well chronicled in this blog... that he was able, after all my swooning, to make me afraid of him, is the highest praise I can give.

On a final note, it's nice to see a DC character trounce Marvel! Now let's see if Batman can beat Titanic.

Long Awkward Pose

As if people don't look awkward in posed photos already. This website is encouraging you to document their lameness by videotaping instead of snapping a picture.

It's kinda mean.

It's a trick I could totally get into pulling.

Quote for the day

"You know, they think it is funny that they are making fun of something that is actually true... It’s like these guys take pride in being ignorant."

--Barack Obama, responding to Republicans mocking him for recommending that drivers keep their tires fully inflated to increase gas mileage.

Gettin' some tail

Ben: This guy from Billerica is on the shooting team in the Olympics. He's super hot. It says he's a descendant of Daniel Boone.

Chris: The woodsman.

Ben: Yes. Daniel Boone was super hot too, you know. That's where the phrase "Getting some tail" came from. Because he wore those coonskin caps with the tail. When the ladies back in that day hooked up with him, they told their friends that they'd gotten some tail.

Chris: Is that true?

Ben: No but it sounds good, doesn't it?

1913 no more

With a stroke of his pen and the near-unanimous support of the state congress, the Governor lays waste to a nasty law.

Patrick, who turned 52 today, also called the bill "a great birthday present."

PS: Suck it, Romney!

Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

From The Onion:

Al Gore -- or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al -- placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity's hubristic folly.

So perfectly, awesomely hilarious it's amazing no one thought of it sooner.

Zingers!

OK, here's a couple irresistible jabs to cheer me up after the previous post.

The other day while McCain was tackling applesauce...



...Obama was giving a speech in front of 215,000 cheering, American-flag-waving Germans.



And while the McCain campaign put out an oh-so-lame French joke...



...Obama met with the President of France.

Winning and Losing

I don't plan on making a habit about writing about the other team, but McCain seems to really be pushing the "Obama would rather lose the war than lose the election" message. The first time he said it earlier this week, I thought it was a heat-of-the-moment misstatement, but he's still saying it today.

Isn't suggesting that your opponent would sell out his country to win an election, isn't that basically accusing Obama of treason?

I think that's kind of disgusting.

Nerves of (Danielle) Steel

Danielle Steel is publishing her 75th novel and has this to say about writing:

"I still never finish a book without being terrified I can't write another one. I never start one without being terrified I can't finish it. It's sort of a torturous process."

Seventy-five and it's still torture for her. I'm only on my second, and both have felt like getting kicked in the face. I was hoping it would get easier.

She pounds out all her novels ... on a 1946 Olympia manual typewriter and first drafts are usually done in a punishing 20-hour shift.

Key word "punishing."

I don't think I've ever heard of a writer who likes writing. Writers like having written. Probably in the same way that women don't particularly enjoy childbirth, but keep having kids.

Quote of the Day

"I'm happy with my Hermes portable manual typewriter. But it's not so portable anymore. It's tough to get through airports. They think it's a bomb."

--Larry McMurtry, author of Lonesome Dove and screenwriter of Brokeback Mountain, on whether he uses computers.

Whoa whoa whoa

A street art exhibit in Boston's South End has put Obama's face on Lincoln's head. The two men are both tall, lanky, from Illinois, and served a single term in Congress, but the comparisons should stop there. I think there's no question that Obama is the most exciting candidate to come around in a generation (at least), but that doesn't mean people should jump to compare him to our greatest president just yet. Let's first see whether he even gets elected.

Quote of the Day

Me: It's taken me weeks to gather all this [paperwork].
RMV woman: Yeah, there are a lot of stop signs.

--Registry of Motor Vehicles, Downtown Crossing, 1:26 p.m.

Ben Recommends...

...parking your boat at the end of the runway in Boston Harbor. Boooyah!

(iPhone photo, no zoom)