Text From My Darling Brother
Brother: What's that thing in turkey that puts you to sleep?
Me: Tryptophan.
Brother: I literally remembered that just as my phone buzzed. So thanks for nothing.
Sexy windows
I don't know if I'd call energy efficiency "sexy," as President Obama did today, but he's right about it saving money. With my new, super-duper energy efficient windows, purchased with a tax credit last spring, my heating/electric bill for November 2009 was over $100 less than November 2008.*
*Granted the weather was milder this year, but still.
Twilimericks: In the Name of Lautner
it's pretty much all that he wears.
As if he couldn't be cuter,
he's a big-time U2-er!
I read that and swooned off my chair.
I read that and swooned off my chair.
Jasper v Edward; Edward v Jacob
Oh, Jasper, what's with your hair?
And that desperate, creepy glare?
I thought the coif would be better
and you'd look like less of a fretter
but next to Edward, you still don't have a prayer.
Most girls think Edward's a hero
but Ben and I think he's a zero
Jacob makes him look drab
(did you see those abs?)
his scenes made us hoot and cheer-0
Maggie's TV Commandments
10. Always watch TV with a kitten in your lap.
9. The third period of hockey games are meant for napping.
8. Text your friends when there is a new Simpsons on Sunday night.
7. On-Demand is for Secret Girlfriend, Tosh.O, and South Park. You do not need to know when new episodes of these shows actually air.
6. Prepare for new Always Sunny episodes by singing "Dayman, ah ah ah, fighter of the Nightman, ah ah ah" while rummaging in the fridge.
5. Thou shalt not speak ill of Jon Stewart.
4. Thou shalt covet the clothes on Betty Draper.
3. Thou shalt mock Lost but watch anyway.
2. When you're channel-surfing and you stumble across Jaws or Godfather, you must watch to completion.
1. Always have a back-up channel so you don't have to sit through commercials.
A new band
Me: Can I be your new bassist?
Mike: Well, can you PLAY bass?
Me: No.
Mike: Then no.
Elephants Never Forget
Him: Elephants are lucky, you know.
Me: And they never forget.
Him: That's actually a myth.
Me: I don't know... I've read some books.
Him: Read a few more.
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