The Lid

Ben: Do you lick the yogurt lid after peeling it off?

Maggie: Yes. But only on Yoplait.

Ben: So do I. The foil demands licking.

Sinister Train Thoughts

I take the commuter train three times a week.

I never see the same people in the morning, but when I'm waiting in Back Bay Station in the afternoons, I see a few recurring characters, including a well-to-do woman in a long fur coat I want to spray-paint on, and a short balding man in an ill-fitting blue blazer.

Right before my train comes, the Acela train comes. It goes to Washington DC. You can observe people inside, businessmen sitting in their comfy chairs, eating fruit cups and sipping alcohol from tiny bottles.

When they're waiting, people tend to line up at the edge of the platform, on the bumpy yellow strip that warns you not to fall down onto the tracks. The other day a man walked up to the yellow strip with such speed and determination that my throat clenched. I was positive he planned to go over the edge. He stopped at the last second -- if he were a cartoon character he would've spronged like a diving board.

I stand back and lean against a concrete pole and have sinister thoughts.

The train brings out sinister thoughts in me. Not angry thoughts or unhappy thoughts -- sinister thoughts. I always think about pushing people over the edge. "One tap on the ass with my shoe and they'd fall in front of the train and be killed," I think. And when the ticket taker moves between cars, the outer doors of which are always open, I imagine the train pitching and spilling him right out. I imagine his body flying past the whole length of the windows, thumping against the glass.

One more

I know I've been posting a lot about Barack Obama lately... and I don't want LCiN to become Obamablog. But this photo of Barack in Metropolis, Illinois seems so tailor-made for me that I just had to post it!

Bagel Dogs

New Jersey has the best bagels, Chinese food, pizza, and Diner omelettes among many other delicious choices. But one food they have that I've never seen anywhere else is bagel dogs.

While at home in Massachusetts, Mike told someone at work about them. The person didn't believe him. He didn't think such a thing existed. When we stopped at the Bagel Station on our way out of town, as we always do, we took a picture to prove it.

You can get a hot dog wrapped in any type of bagel you want.
$3.50.
Sweet 600-calorie brunch, finished in less than ten bites.

Barack and Hillary: The First Punch is Thrown

Ben,

I didn't think your favorite and mine would start in on each other so soon! I'm disappointed in them both.

The article makes a good point about Hillary, though. After Bush is out, it wouldn't necessarily be beneficial to the country to have another polarizing president like Hillary.

Beware the Scrotum!

There's a controversy over this year's winner of the Newbery Medal, the Pulitzer of children's books. “The Higher Power of Lucky,” by Susan Patron, has a naughty word in it, one that's sending some parents and librarians into an absolute tizzy. The word?

Scrotum.

The book’s heroine, Lucky, hears the word through a hole in a wall when another character says he saw a rattlesnake bite his dog Roy on the scrotum.

“Scrotum sounded to Lucky like something green that comes up when you have the flu and cough too much,” the book continues.

People want this book banned for that word. It may be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Holden Caulfield and his "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck," maybe. But "scrotum"? It's a body-part, people. And it's actually the correct name for it!

Somehow I think these people would've been less offended if the author had used any of the billion euphemisms boys have for their scrotum. Shows how immature adults really can be.

"Psssst. Hey, kid. Yeah, you. Come here. So, kid, you know your nut-sack? Your ball-pouch? Well -- come closer -- doctors and scientists actually call it the scrotum."

Oh, the horror!

A Few of My Articles

It never occurred to me to link to my professional writing, but now that Ben has done so, I want to share too. I write for a technology and security magazine (but fortunately I am often assigned non-techie stories). Here are a few that I enjoyed writing the most.

Women and Ambition

How To Network

Chicago Fire: History and Lessons Learned

British Library's Archiving

Edge article

I had a hard time taking this article seriously because both sides are so nutso. You'll notice some humor creeping in around the edges.

Belly vs. Stomach

In case you were wondering, here is an explanation about when to use each of these words.

Valentine's Day History

Here's an article I wrote for the Emerson College newspaper back in 2002:

He's naked. He has wings, and he'll shoot you right in the butt with an arrow.

Cupid has been a symbol of Valentine's Day for a long time, but he's not the only symbol of that massively popular day of the year: Feb. 14. Every year we exchange cards, candy, flowers and presents with those we love, but few people know where this tradition began and how we came to celebrate it.
Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

So who's Cupid? In ancient Greece, Cupid was known as Eros, the young son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. Eros was the Greek god of erotic love, the word itself meaning to desire or to gratify basic needs.
To the Romans he was Cupid, and his mother was Venus. The word cupid comes from the Latin word concupiscence, meaning sexual desire.

Dozens of red roses The red rose is such a big part of Valentine's Day because the rose was supposedly a sacred flower to Venus. Red is also a color that signifies strong feelings. These days, a bouquet of roses is almost synonymous with "I love you." And why the dozen you ask? For one simple reason: 12 is more than one.

What the hell does valentine mean?
Some believe the "valentine" comes from the Norman word galantine, which means "gallant" or "lover." Other connect the celebration of Valentine's Day with an old belief that birds choose their mates Feb. 14, just a month before the start of spring.

Who started Valentine's Day?
While no one really knows the exact origin of Valentine's Day as we know it, the first valentine is sometimes credited to Charles, Duke of Orleans in 1415, who wrote romantic verses for his wife. Most sources trace Valentine's Day back to Pagan times in ancient Rome, where Feb. 14 was a day honoring Juno, the goddess of women and marriage.
The following day, Feb. 15, began the Feast of Lupercalia, which signified the start of annual rites of passage for young men. Teenage women's names were placed in a box and randomly drawn by the young men. In this way, a man was assigned a female companion for one year, after which another lottery took place.
Valentine, a person from the villiage, would marry these couples in secret and was arrested for it. While in jail he healed the jailor's blind daughter. He gave her a card signed "From Your Valentine" before his beheading Feb. 14, from which modern valentine's began. After his death he became a patron saint. Valentine's Day cards were then given to the women during this festival.

Are lovebirds real?
No, it's not just a name for couples that are hell-bent on public displays of affection. Lovebirds, which are native to Africa, got their names because they sit closely together. Doves are symbols of love and loyalty because they mate for life and both make and female care for offspring.

What's with XOXO?
How did it happen that an X came to symbolize a kiss?
In medieval times, those who could not write would sign their name with an X and then kiss the X to show their sincerity. Over time, the X and the kiss became synonymous.

Hallmark cashed in big-time.
Valentine's Day has come to be a Hallmark holiday in which the feelings of love are capitalized upon. It leaves some people feeling many shades of depressed because they are faced with a plethora of "I love you this" and "I love you that" cards. True, the holiday has partially become a commercialized buying frenzy, but many people see past that to enjoy the day with someone they care about.

Pre-requisite for V-day: Turn into a mind-reader.
People have a way of expecting their significant other to read their mind and be able to intuit what gift they would most like to receive. It's a virtual guessing-game of what to get that special person in your life.

Have no fear: these days there is a never-ending stock of Web sites to visit that spew Valentine's Day ideas to you. Nevertheless, something will come to mind, and ideas usually come faster if you don't think about it too hard. Valentine's Day as we presently celebrate it in America is clearly a combination of many cultures, myths and sources. It's interesting to see how it developed, but more importantly, that we have to lighten up the gray month of February.

Love Letters

This is an interesting website of someone's letters (unsent mostly, it seems) to their friends, lovers, enemies, strangers and everyone in between. I wish it was more than just one person's letters, but nonetheless, it's fun to read someone else's thoughts.

Bridesmaid Contract

We've been discussing the possibility of getting married. I asked Mike's little sister, who is a year younger than me, if she'd be my bridesmaid. She said:

I will accept under the following conditions:
1. The wedding is on a Saturday (I'm very busy on other days).
2. I am allowed to dedicate a Bloodhound Gang song to you at the reception (a romantic one like "you ain't got no legs" or "yummy down on this").
3. I am escorted down the aisle by a unicorn and 6-8 black men.

I told her:
1. I can accommodate the Saturday part. I wouldn't get married on any other day of the week.
2. You can dedicate any song you want to me.
3. Loved the David Sedaris reference, but I don't know any black men well enough to ask them to be part of my wedding (I blame my Sparta upbringing for that). However, if you'd like to take charge on this, I'm okay with it.
The unicorn part is crucial, even if it's just one of those toy stick horses that we glue a styrofoam horm to.

My requirements for you:
1. Wear something wildly inappropriate, even if it's just the color or some really absurb accessory.
2. Get really drunk and ask attendees if they have any pot. [[Note: this is a reference to her over-the-top behavior at this year's neighborhood Christmas party]]
3. Give speech in which you draw a metaphor between a puppy and life.

She seemed okay with it and said:
I am fully prepared to follow your wishes.
1. As for inappropriate dress, I was thinking something along the lines of R&B/Hip hop star (possibly Lil' Kim style circa 1999) or just a very large floppy hat.
2. I already planned to be very drunk, and asking for pot seems like second nature, so that will probably happen whether you like it or not...I'll try to keep the requests to people over the age of 11.
3. My speech will definitely involve a metaphor between a puppy and life, and include references to Chuck Norris and windmills.


And that's why I want her to accompany me up the aisle.

Wasted

NASHUA, New Hampshire (AP) -- Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is apologizing for saying the lives of the more than 3,000 U.S. troops killed in the Iraq war were "wasted."

During his first campaign trip this weekend, the Illinois senator told a crowd in Iowa: "We now have spent $400 billion and have seen over 3,000 lives of the bravest young Americans wasted."

It's borderline tragic that he had to apologize for that, because I think he was exactly right.

I understand why some people would be offended by it, so I understand why he said he was sorry. Everyone who's lost someone in Iraq wants to believe their loved-one died for some great cause, in some valiant sacrifice -- that their death was anything but a waste.

Tell a father his daughter died for no reason, and what does he have left? How can parents and children and husbands and wives continue on without the idea that their loved-one died saving the world? I don't know. But I think it's a dangerous viewpoint, all the same, because it's a viewpoint that needs fuel.

If you don't believe these valuable young lives are being wasted, then how do you ever draw the line? If Iraq is important enough for our best and bravest to be there, and to be dying there, then how can we say it's not even more noble for more of them to be there, and to die there? And more and more -- until we have another Vietnam Wall's worth of names?

It's as though in the name of "supporting the troops" we stubbornly refuse to admit we sent people to die for a mistake. But the tragic consequence of that is that more people will die, just to fuel the delusion. Supporting them doesn't mean sending them to die for no reason. What did John Kerry say during the Vietnam War? "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" Today we should be asking ourselves how many more need to die before it proves all the rest weren't a waste.

We don't have to justify the reason for soldiers' deaths in order to honor their lives. And we don't have to justify the war they were sent to in order to praise the courage they had for going. And I wish everyone who lost someone in Iraq could know that calling their loved-one's death a waste absolutely doesn't mean their life was. It's a waste because there's no reason 3,000+ Americans shouldn't be around to have kids, or write books, or call their grandparents to say hello.

So Barack was right. And if he made people angry, they should be angry. Angry enough to keep us from sending any more soldiers to be wasted.

Barack and Roll!

Oh man.

After November of 2004 I promised myself I'd never do this again. Losing hurt too bad, and it hurt for months. It was worse than losing any kind of game -- it was losing something that mattered. "No more," I told myself. "Never get involved in that again."

And yet here I am, just a little more than two years later, getting up at 9:30 on a Saturday morning to watch a presidential announcement speech.

It's not just a creeping naivete, because I'm reminded every single day how ridiculous politics is. It must be a testament to Obama himself -- I think he's worth the risk.

On a related note, I don't know who this kid below is, but that is the greatest t-shirt ever.

First article

Check out my first article published on Edge. Go for the story -- stay for the hottie clip-art.

Store vs. National

On an episode of Dateline a few months ago there was a story about how most people can't tell the difference between store-brand food products and national brands (like Shaw's vs. Green Giant). It's just that, when it comes to supermarket products in particular, people tend to stick with the brands they were raised with, even if they're more expensive.

Now, I'll jump at the chance to divert 30 cents from a can of peas to a pair of $180 jeans -- so since the episode aired, Chris and I have been experimenting with store-brand products. Here's some of what we've discovered so far.

Shaw's sugar vs. Domino. Verdict: Granules in Shaw's version slightly coarser, but otherwise no difference.

Shaw's creamcheese vs. Philadelphia. Verdict: Slight difference in texture but no difference in quality.

Shaw's milk vs. Garelick Farms. Verdict: No difference.

Shaw's orange juice vs. Tropicana. Verdict: Tropicana wins. Pulp in Shaw's brand is less pureed and catches in teeth.

And finally, Shaw's peas vs. Green Giant. Verdict: I swear it's the same pea!

Across the Universe

Angst, art, a stupid war. No, not 2007. 1960s.

Here is a movie that probably should've been made when my parents were my age, but now that it's here it feels strangely relevant.

If the movie itself is as good as this trailer, I'll have a new favorite on my hands. (Oh and hey, Bono's in it, so what else can I say?)

Click here to watch in awe!

Superbowl Commercials

Some people watch the Superbowl for the commercials. I usually don't care about the Superbowl for any reason other than the food, but this was not only one of the funniest commercials last year, it was also one of the most effective ways that PETA, who typically overdoes things to the point of total ineffectiveness, got across an important message.

Childhood Movies

Is it in children's nature to fixate on something and never tire of it? Is this just good marketing and sales? What is it about a purple dinosaur or a little clown fish that enables a corporation to see dollar signs?

I'm almost 25 and I have a dozen movies that I would watch daily if time allowed. But they are movies for adults. I think I'd go nuts if I had to watch the same children's movie every day. How did my parents stand it? Each time we were home sick from school, our mom would rush out to the video store to re-rent the same titles.

What compelled us to watch these movies over and over? And why didn't my mom just buy them to save herself the trip?!

Here are a few that we watched as if they were our religion:

Troop Beverly Hills: This became a favorite when I was actually in Girl Scouts but I watched it with friends and with my mom long after I quit. Looking back, the movie had a really great message.

Favorite Quotes: “She permed me!”

Princess Bride: I’ve seen this so many times that I can’t pinpoint when I first saw it or even accurately ballpark how old I might have been. What’s important, though, is that somehow we decided to watch it and, cliché as it may be, it’s still one of my favorite movies. When I first started dating Mike, we were delighted to discover that we could recite whole scenes to each other. We don’t have a song that “our song” but if we have an “our movie” and the Princess Bride is it.

Favorite Quotes: Almost the entire movie is quote-worthy but our favorites are the typical favorites: “You killed my father, prepare to die” and “Inconceivable!”

Adventures in Babysitting: Before Elizabeth Shue was an Oscar-nominated hooker, she was the toughest babysitter in the world. Also led to one of my family’s favorite songs: Then He Kissed Me by The Crystals, which plays during the opening credits.

Quote my family still repeats to each other: “How fast do your parents go?” “50. 60?” “We’ll go 80!”

Police Academy 5: My brother and I were introduced to this movie by the only male babysitter we ever had. We instantly loved both the babysitter and the movie.

Favorite Quote: We didn’t really have one, but we loved the guy who did sound affects with his voice and the teeny female cop with the squeaky voice who always yelled.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Did the cartoon TV series pre-date the movie? I can't recall, but we lived and breathed Turtles as kids. The TV show after school, the movie on loop, our turtle costumes, turtle birthday cakes and turtle pajamas and t-shirts. Now that I'm an adult, turtles make less sense than Power Rangers (which I know nothing about, but at least they're people... right?) but what a great marketing idea!

Favorite Quote: "Ninja kick the damn rabbit!"

Naked Gun 2 1/2: Who doesn't love 70's humor? This is one of those movies, like Ace Ventura, that I watched at a young enough age that many of the jokes went right over my head. Years later, the jokes took on new meaning. Everyone can relate to this, which is why I never understand why parents freak out about sexual jokes... kids don't get them! Their minds are not being corrupted!

Favorite Quotes:
Commissioner: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons? Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?