Top Tensies

Everyone else is doing it. So here goes. These are my favorite things of the decade.

MOVIES

10. Nicholas Nickleby (2002). Pitch-perfect Dickens, a very rare thing.

9. A Knight's Tale (2001). No, the medieval jousting-match audience chanting Queen songs makes no sense, and that oddball creativity is why it's a favorite. Also, this was Heath Ledger at his dreamiest.

8. Spider-Man 2 (2004). Everything a superhero movie should be, even if it is... Marvel.

7. Road to Perdition (2002). The Hanks/Newman gangster flick, and the most beautifully shot movie ever. This was made by some master craftsmen. Every frame is art.

6. Star Trek (2009). I was staunchly against this movie until I saw the trailer, then I happily ate my hat each of the five times I saw it in the theater.

5. Twilight (2008). You may have heard of it.

4. Brokeback Mountain (2005). Not one of my favorite movies, but sometimes movies are bigger than themselves, and that's why this one's on my list.

3. Superman Returns (2006). A gigantic missed opportunity that resulted in a mediocre movie. But what can I say? I love it anyway. The production design is gorgeous, Brandon Routh is a worthy successor to Christopher Reeve, and the plane-rescue scene is thrilling.

2. Wonder Boys (2000). My favorite movie about writers and writing; after watching this the first time, I literally went in the other room and started writing my novel. Also, an early stepping stone on Robert Downey Jr.'s very-welcome road to professional redemption.

1. The Lord of the Rings (2001, 2002, 2003). Easy. It wasn't just a movie but a three-year event. Peter Jackson & Co. did everything right -- the casting, the music, the humor and the heartbreak were all just dead-on. This is everything I want from movies. This is probably the movie of my lifetime.

MUSIC

10. Original Pirate Material - The Streets (2002). Josh and I just about burned out this CD that year.

9. A Rush Of Blood To The Head - Coldplay (2002). C'mon, you know you like them too.

8. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning - Bright Eyes (2005). Conor Oberst is one of my favorite lyricists and he was on a roll on this album. "The sun came up with no conclusions."

7. Life In Cartoon Motion - Mika (2007). Gay gay gay!

6. Hot Fuss - The Killers (2004).

5. Only By The Night - Kings of Leon (2008). My most-listened-to album of 2009.

4. The Rising - Springsteen (2002).

3. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 (2004).

2. No Line On The Horizon - U2 (2009).

1. All That You Can't Leave Behind - U2 (2000). My desert-island album.

BOOKS

Surprisingly, this category was the hardest because I'm not as up on recent books as I should be.

10. From A Buick 8 - Stephen King (2003). A slow-boiling thriller and a rebuke to anyone who, like me, suspected Stephen King's glory days ended with his coke habit.

9. War Boy - Kief Hillsbery (2002). Narrated by a deaf-mute, gay, anarchist teenager. Need I say more?

8. A Death In Brazil: A Book of Omissions - Peter Robb (2005). A memoir disguised as the entire history of a nation, from discovery to modern politics. And a page-turner, to boot!

7. New Moon - Stephenie Meyer (2007). Truth be told, this probably should be higher up.

6. Chasm City - Alastair Reynolds (2002). Mystery wrapped in sci-fi wrapped in holy-shit! wrapped in awesome.

5. The Road - Cormac McCarthy (2006). Gut-wrenching. With punchy dialogue!

4. Dogwalker: Stories - Arthur Bradford (2002). Why is this the only book you've ever published, Arthur?

3. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers (2001). Read this memoir to make your own life feel boring and unromantic in comparison.

2. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao - Junot Diaz (2007). Expanded my notion of what a novel could be and do. Deserving of every ounce of his Pulitzer.

1. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon (2001). A sprawling epic loosely based on the creators of Superman, set in Depression-era New York. The book I most wish I could've written myself.

My Darling Brother

Brother: What's that thing in turkey that puts you to sleep?
Me: Tryptophan.
Brother: I literally remembered that just as my phone buzzed. So thanks for nothing.

Sexy windows

I don't know if I'd call energy efficiency "sexy," as President Obama did today, but he's right about it saving money. With my new, super-duper energy efficient windows, purchased with a tax credit last spring, my heating/electric bill for November 2009 was over $100 less than November 2008.*

*Granted the weather was milder this year, but still.

Dusting the goats

via National Geographic

Overheard in the Neighborhood

Mom to kid:

"I know you told Santa but maybe you should tell me too."

Haha!

Awesome:

Twilimericks: In the Name of Lautner

Jacob Black has long brown hair;
it's pretty much all that he wears.
As if he couldn't be cuter,

he's a big-time U2-er!
I read that and swooned off my chair.

Jasper v Edward; Edward v Jacob

Oh, Jasper, what's with your hair?
And that desperate, creepy glare?
I thought the coif would be better
and you'd look like less of a fretter
but next to Edward, you still don't have a prayer.

Most girls think Edward's a hero
but Ben and I think he's a zero
Jacob makes him look drab
(did you see those abs?)
his scenes made us hoot and cheer-0

A new band

Me: Can I be your new bassist?
Mike: Well, can you PLAY bass?
Me: No.
Mike: Then no.

Elephants Never Forget

Brother: Elephants are lucky, you know.
Me: And they never forget.
Brother: That's actually a myth.
Me: I don't know... I've read some books.
Brother: Read a few more.

Message Rock #4

Like last time, a tribute to a lost loved one.

Autumn in New England

Sorry, New Jersey. You may have the bagels and the pizza, but New England has the edge on Autumn.

Sacrilegious Remakes

When I heard they were remaking Adventures in Babysitting, I rolled my eyes. When I heard the star attached to the remake is Miley Cyrus, I almost gagged. What is with the latest trend of remaking movies that have no business being remade? To quote Adventures in Babysitting, "Don't f--- with the babysitter"!

I got the latest Crime Against The Original news today, when I read that they are remaking Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise! While Adventures in Babysitting may be a 'classic' in sentimental terms only (I watched it dozens of times as a kid and my brother and I still quote it to each other), Thelma and Louise is an actual classic. Leave our classics alone!

The stars are supposedly one of the actresses from Gossip Girl and another young, barely-starlet. Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis may not be particuarly well-respected actresses, but replacing them with poptarts who are 15 years younger is a disgrace. Possibly the worst detail of all is the remake's title: Cowgirl Bandits. It's bad enough to make my brain explode out my eyes. Goodbye, feminist messages. Hello, superficial girl power.

Why not remake a movie that wasn't done well the first time around? Like Twilight!

Obama in Boston

Not only in the city, but across the street from my office.

Dartmouth Street was blocked to cars and pedestrians between Boylston and Stuart.

Worst Twilight Merchandise

We've all seen the TrueBlood drinks and the Twilight jewelry but this article rounds up bizarre outliers in the world of vampire merchandise. An Edward Cullen shower curtain? Really?

Most hilarious (or frightening) is the Twilight Dildo, which sparkles in sunlight. Natch. The article goes on to say:

"The real craziness comes from the product description, which touts both its "deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon's soft glow" and the fact that it "retains hot and cold temperature," so you can "toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience," thus selling it on the strength of how accurate it is to a corpse's wang. That's right, folks: This may in fact be the first sex toy to be marketed directly to the amateur necrophiliac."

Maine

This World War II vet put a tear in my eye this afternoon.

Witch hats in the library courtyard

Moving Out

Me: That's it. I'm moving out.
Him: Leave the food. Take the cats, otherwise the cats are food.

Blackbirds, baked in a pie

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas when my mom makes a pie, she puts a hollow, porcelain blackbird in the center of the pan before adding the filling around it. The blackbird acts as a vent: When the pie comes out of the oven, the blackbird is spitting steam.

I've never seen these pie blackbirds in stores. Until yesterday, when I happened upon a shelf of them while shopping for a belt.

I refrained from buying them all - one for everyone I know - and instead just bought one for myself and one to replace my mom's, should it ever break. Come to think of it, in the 27 years that she's been making apple pies for the holidays, it's amazing that little bird hasn't dropped or broken yet. He must be blessed.

Pats and Patrick

Me: [reading the morning news] Apparently the Patriots game had quite an ending... and Patrick Swayze died.
Him: Because of the Pats game?!
Me: Um, no.

Midnight, Orange Line

Last night I went to a concert that ended late; it was midnight before I got on the T to go home. While nothing bad has ever happened to me on the T, riding it at night is a phobia of mine and I was should've-skipped-the-concert nervous about riding it by myself at that hour. I was planning escape routes and things to say if someone demanded my money.

In the Downtown Crossing station where I got on, a boy, late teens or early 20s, was studying the subway map and asked me how to get to Roxbury. He was cute enough to disrupt my normal standoffishness. I told him I was going that way and pointed him toward the track. We waited on the platform together and I was happy when he kept talking. He told me he was going to the mosque in Roxbury; I knew where it was and we talked about its recent opening. He was my height and very slim with acne and scruffy cheeks, and he had an accent from some nation in the Middle East.

We'd stop talking and watch for the train and then start talking again -- smalltalk, which normally I'm lousy at. He told me about how he was going to the mosque to pray because (he said it sheepishly) he'd already missed one prayer that day. When he finished praying he needed to eat a lot because he's supposed to fast during the day. (I asked if he gets hungry and he said with a sneaky grin, you just eat a giant breakfast to make up for it.) He's from New York, visiting Boston for one day, for reasons I didn't catch; had taken a Greyhound bus to get here. He asked if I was in *university* and I said no, not for a long time.

The T came and I sat beside him. He had on a blue hoodie and was holding his phone; I checked to see if it was an iPhone, but it wasn't, but he saw me looking at it and bashfully showed me his wallpaper, which was a photo of himself, I think on a bus. "Self-portrait?" I said, and he smiled. By this time I was smitten enough to start worrying about his safety and well-being after he got off the T. "Where will you stay tonight?" I asked. "At the mosque?"

He said no, that after he prayed he would head back downtown to look for a 24-hour cafe so he could eat all night before sunrise, for Ramadan. I remembered that the T stops running for the night; I tried to explain but I don't think he understood that he was certain to miss the last train and get stranded in Roxbury. He got off at his stop and said "Take care" and I said "You too." And I felt bad about him eventually discovering that the T had closed while he'd been praying, and I hoped he had enough cab money to get where he wanted to go.

But by then I was almost home too, and I'd been so busy talking I'd forgotten to be afraid. Whatever his name was, he was like my little T angel. I hope he got home OK.

Spaceships and blue people!

In the summer of 1997 I made a haughty prediction that a much-hyped movie directed by James Cameron would turn out to bomb. It was called Titanic.

*shrug*

Cameron's new movie, Avatar, is also being hyped as the movie to end all movies. This time I'm keeping my mouth shut.

The trailer rocks. (Even if Leo's not in it.)

Phone Call Home

Me: Hey, Dad, what's up?
Dad: The railroad is coming through Walnut Grove and no one is happy about it.
Me: Are you watching Little House on the Prairie again?

Ode to Lemmon

Just when I think I'm approaching the end of a years-long tour through my favorite actor's prolific movie career (Grumpy Old Men is near the top of my Netflix queue now), another batch of movies, heretofore unreleased on DVD, appears out of nowhere. Released last month, The Jack Lemmon Collection contains five movies from the 1950s and 60s. I didn't expect a lot from them, figuring that his best work must already be on DVD at this late date, and that is partially true: The Notorious Landlady, wherein Jack's love interest is maybe or maybe-not a murderess, is a lemon (har har). On the other hand, Good Neighbor Sam was one of my all-time faves. In that one he plays a good-natured schlub who's promoted at work based on his being a "clean living, family man" -- which goes fine until his wife's divorcee friend stands to inherit $15 million, provided she's married. Jack poses as the friend's husband to help her get the money, while his boss begins to think the "clean living, family man" is leading a double life. Hilarity ensues.

These movies are from my favorite Lemmon period -- he'd moved out of his early 1950s goofball phase (seen in, among others, Some Like It Hot) but he hadn't yet hit the string of disillusioned characters he played in the 1970s and 80s or the crotchety oldsters of late in his life. These movies are from the period when he was his most charming and melancholy. Those are the qualities that draw me to him, and they fuel a lot of the character nuances I remember most. For example, I'm sure the script for The Apartment read something like "Baxter strains spaghetti with tennis racket" -- but Lemmon made that into one of my favorite moments in movies.

Internet Invoice From Mike

Upon returning home last night, I received this invoice from Mike for services rendered.

Itemized invoice for fixing Internet:
Time spent: 24hrs
Actual time worked: roughly 20min


List of work hazards:
Hot work environment
Work near electrical hazards
Flying cat attacks
Rocky Terrain

Technical skills required:
Computer knowledge
Electrical knowledge
Knowledge in software applications
Cat fencing
Knowledge in hitting things with other things

Payment requested:
Bigger bat for cats and Internet modem
or pizza
(your choice)

Dinner

Me: I just made an unfortunate burrito.
Brother: Aren't they all

Overheard at the Farmer's Market

1. "I have six ears."

2. "When my significant other talks to me, he meows."

Planning a Trip to Scotland

Me: Apparently George Orwell spent time on the island we're going to visit. He wrote 1984 there.
Him: The Van Halen album?

Copley Square Farmer's Market

Something about sun-dappled berries and veggies makes me happy. Or maybe it's just all of the colors at every booth.

Kindle Drawbacks

I hate the idea of reading any type of fiction on a screen (and any nonfiction longer than an article), but this blogger uncovers a drawback to the Kindle and its progeny that I hadn't even considered:

Matt is reading David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest on his Kindle, which is pretty convenient for a book that weighs in at more than 1,000 pages. But Matt doesn't get the signaling benefits of the dead-tree edition; that is, he doesn't get to show the rest of the world that he's reading such a hefty, ponderous tome.

Riding the T would get a lot more boring if I wasn't able to make snap judgments about people based on their literature of choice...

Bruno Reviewno

I was excited to see Bruno because it seemed a sure bet to deliver some good laughs. (I loved Borat.) Unfortunatley it was pretty lousy. The obvious reason, which would plague any movie, was that it had no point, not even a flimsy one like Borat's journey across America searching for Pamela Anderson. Bruno was just a series of scenes strung together. The end had no reason to be the end except that it was the last scene.

I've read some reviews by Bruno-offended gays, but I didn't find him in any way offensive, and the audience at the theater, largely homos, didn't appear to either. I've seen Borat; I get Sacha Baron Cohen's joke. And, let's be honest, there are some pretty Bruno-esque gays out there.

Funny scenes included Bruno complimenting the "dick-sucking lips" of a "former homosexual" and Bruno going on a talk-show with his African baby, who he swapped for an iPod.

On the other hand, many of the situations he creates made me uncomfortable in a bad way. Depending on how controlled these situations are, SBC is a pretty brave dude; brave or totally insane. Take the scene where he stages a gay make-out session at a cage-wrestling match in Arkansas. How he can stay in character when raging rednecks are throwing bottles and chairs at him, I don't know. Moments like that were a bit too much. Borat illuminated the underbelly of America, but Bruno didn't show us anything we didn't already know. In fact it was all too familiar. A lot of times I felt like we were one second away from witnessing a Matthew Shepard moment, and that's not something I want to pay $10 to see.

In which I finally see the Shepard Fairey exhibit at the ICA

Once when we were eating lunch at our favorite place in Chinatown, Maggie pointed out a Shepard Fairey graffiti on the building across the street. I said "Oooh" and felt cultured.

On Saturday I finally made it to the ICA to see his exhibit.

The Andre The Giant stuff, the various portraits, record covers, concert posters -- these were all cool. Bold, clean lines on hyperdetailed mini-image collages could keep your eyes interested for hours. I'm not a museum person and suspected I'd feel self-conscious "looking at art," but the detail in the stuff made me want to examine it. I don't much care about the "meaning" of a piece as much as I liked to get right up close to see how he put them together.

But while I was looking at this stuff -- which was cool & interesting but only cool & interesting -- the Obama Hope poster was on my mind. Would it be there? Or was the little Obama portrait in the portait room with Johnny Cash and MLK all I was going to get?

The exhibit didn't disappoint, of course: the Hope poster is there -- it has a wall to itself and is much bigger than I imagined. I pretended not to be phased by it as I walked up to have a look, but it has the wow factor the other pieces lack. I felt very satisfied to see in person one of the most famous images in the world.

While the Fairey exhibit spanned four or five large rooms and showcased dozens of pieces (several as big as highway billboards), the rest of the museum was pretty skimpy. But Chris reminded me that the ICA isn't strictly a museum -- I guess there's other things going on on the other floors.

The building is art in its own right. It sits right on Boston Harbor and has huge glass walls that offer a mesmirizing view of the city.

All in all a worthwhile visit.

Obama Abroad

It's strange to me that foreign countries are pasting our president's picture on our flag, not to burn, but to wave around as though he were the Beatles. But of course that's exactly what I hoped for when I voted for him.


Six months into his presidency I give him mixed reviews. He's more cautious and less bold than I think the times call for, and I'm getting impatient on the gay stuff. But everything he's done and said abroad has been pretty much exactly what I wanted.

As a side note -- but maybe not too much to the side -- practically everyone I know is either currently abroad or is planning a trip abroad. At this moment I know someone visiting England, someone visiting Sweden, someone visiting France, and two unrelated people visiting Spain. Other upcoming trips include Scotland, Vietnam, and Canada. Even little old insular me is starting to get the itch for foreign travel.

For people my age, the entirety of our adult lives thus far was spent under the Bush Administration, during which, if we went anywhere, we said we were from Canada. Now I think we've got our dignity back, and it's making us want to explore.

Southwest Corridor

For more than two years, I have worked near the east entrance to the Southwest Corridor that runs parallel to Boylston Street. I guess I always thought it was just another sidewalk.

Today I learned how wrong I was - I took the passageway to Mass Ave to get to Whole Foods. It's beautiful! Parks and flowers and a tennis court and lots of dogs walking and playing!

Top 10 Reasons Not to get Haircut on Lunch Hour

10. Hair in your sandwich.

9. Hair in your tea.

8. Hair in your keyboard.

7. Hair clogging the laser of your mouse.

6. Hair sweat-stuck to your palms.

5. Hair falling into your shirt into your underwear into your buttcrack.

4. Hair in your eyeball when your boss is talking to you.

3. Um.

2. Actually, it was kind of

1. convenient.

Webster Makes Lame Words Official

The latest edition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary will include the following new words:

frenemy - one who acts like a friend but is really an enemy
locavore - one who eats only locally-grown food
vlogs - a blog that contain video material
webisode - a TV show you can watch online
staycation - staying in your home area while on vacation from work

There are others, such as flash mob and waterboarding, but what irks me about the ones I've mentioned above are that they are two words mashed together. In addition to how generally annoying that is, it makes me worry about the future of our language. Everything is getting shorter (from newspapers to blogs to Twitter; or letters to emails to texts, for example).

Will we soon (read - in a few hundred years) come full circle back to communicating in grunts?

A New Jersey Driver in Vermont

Me: Can you please stop tailgating this guy?
Mom: If I must.

Doe Camp

My mother is the opposite of me. When we arrived at Doe Camp yesterday and went into the hall for lunch, I said, "Ooh, there's an empty table back there."

"What are you nuts?" she said. "Let's go sit with those three ladies, they look interesting."

"But Moooooom, can't we sit alone?"

"Don't be such a wuss, we're here to meet new friends!" she said and settled in between the ladies, and immediately asking where they were from, if this was their first Doe Camp, and if they were taking archery that afternoon.




Later....

"No one asked me for my number," she said, making an exaggerated frowny face.
"So ask them for their email address so you can get together," I suggested.
"Doesn't that make me look like a loser?"
I sighed. "If everyone thought that way, no one would ever make new friends. See if that lady from archery would want to hike with you."
She looked at me doubtfully.
"I feel like I'm coaching you on dating or something," I said.
"You're right. Forget it. Let's have another piece of cake."

Rooftop Dancing

This guy was dancing on the roof outside my window. I didn't get the camera in time to catch it, so this video doesn't do it justice.



And sadly, I stopped recording just as he noticed me, waved, and did another boogie move. A few minutes later, I tried recording him again. He totally saw me holding up a camera. I wonder if he'll check YouTube later tonight to see if his rooftop dance moves were posted.

Up

I wanted to stay home and save money but Mike wanted to see Up. So we bought our tickets and a giant cherry Coke and settled in between an elderly couple on our left and two couples our age on our right.

When the previews started, we put on our 3-D glasses. Even the previews were in 3-D and the kids in the audience were shrieking and ooh-ahhing. Hearing them was fun.

The movie was the most beautiful movie I've seen in a while. And I don't mean visually, though it was beautiful in that way too. The story was simple. It had a terrific tinkling piano score. I shed a few tears.

I am glad that we went and I was even happy to admit that to Mike. It put me in a happy mood that followed me through the night and is sticking with me this morning.

I would recommend it to everyone. It made me feel more in love, with both Mike and with life.

How Many Coffee Beans in the Pot?

Today at work, there was a contest to see who could guess how many coffee beans were in this pot that was on display. The winner would receive two free Red Sox tickets.

How freaky is it that someone guessed the exact amount of beans? There were 4732 in the pot, and some fresh-from-Harvard's-MBA-program consultant nailed it. Was this a case of Rainman? Random? Rigged?

The cynic in me wants to say rigged, or wants to suspect that cheating was somehow involved. It's too weird to be random.

The other question is, what poor soul counted them to begin with?

And in case you're wondering, my guess was a couple of thousand beans off the mark. Pffft - not like I wanted to see the Red Sox anyway.

Last Year's Birthday List

Last year before my birthday, I made a list of all of the things I wanted to do in my 26th year of life. Here's the rundown of how I did:


1. Try a new recipe once a month - Maybe I didn't do this EVERY month, but I tried a few new things.


2. Make cupcakes from something other than cake mix and decorate them in unique ways - I made cupcakes from scratch once or twice, and I definitely decorated many more batches than that in crazy ways.


3. Join a gym and go at least once a week for yoga class - I joined and I went at least once a week. I did yoga for six months and got sick of it and starting going to use the machines. Still going.


4. Take in another litter of newborns or another pregnant mom cat - I did this twice. The second group is still with me.


5. I taught myself a few key traveling phrases in Italian and Greek. Learn similar phrases in French, Hindi, and Japanese (maybe brush up on my Spanish while I'm at it). - Didn't do this at all.


6. Send more letters in the mail to friends and family - I didn't send MORE, but I sent the usual amount I do in a given year.


7. Paintball - I did paintball, and I learned that it's better to go in the late fall than summer.


8. Go to a concert or two - Saw Rancid, Radiohead, and I feel like I'm forgetting one...


9. Wear sunscreen every day - Pfft. I more sunscreen more often, but not daily.


10. Travel to at least one other country - I don't think Greece counts since I went before I created this list. Mexico fell through because of swine flu, but I did go to Canada for two days.


11. Make a new friend (this one is hard for me) - Don't think I accomplished this. I turned some acquaintances into friends, but didn't make any brand new friends.


12. Attend another Book Club meeting at library - It seems like yesterday that I wrote this list. I remember adding this one on. I can't believe I never did it and a whole year has gone by.


13. Turn my cat blog into a book of short stories - I've been working on it.


14. Conquer my shoulder pain - Been working on this too. I've got a good handle on controlling it to some extent.


15. Go to Cape Cod - Bummer! I thought this one would be easy. Didn't do it.


16. Start using my video camera again - Pretty hard to do when my digital camera is so much more convenient.


17. Get promoted at work (not necessarily up to me, but I'll push for it) - Woo! Did it.


18. Buy a house - Still working on it.


19. Go to Niagara Falls - Made it by the skin of my teeth thanks to a surprise trip that Mike planned.


20. Make the mermaid sculpture I've been planning for a year - Fail.


21. Plant pumpkins - I planted them and the vine grew but never produced any pumpkins.

22. Save money/Buy less crap - I made a budget that allowed for one frivolous purchase a month if it was less than $50. I stuck to it pretty well.

23. Get all of my high school friends together - Accomplished in Vermont. This was a gimmee.

24. Be more honest about how I feel - Can always improve it but I didn't do so bad.

25. Plan a bachelorette party for Kelly - Jess and I planned a bridal shower that went very well. But then we didn't attend her wedding because of swine flu and she hates us now. Very sad.

26. Learn a new craft (making soap? sewing with a machine? knitting? blowing glass?) - Didn't learn a new craft, but learned new cat-care skills. Does that count?

Twitter

Twitter has always seemed pointless and obnoxious to me, but today I've been fascinated by the twitters coming from Iran and have been following them all day. Literally it's a real-time feed of what's going on there, and it makes traditional news articles seem like stone tablets in comparison. The Boston Globe has a good round-up of twitters, as has Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic (warning that Sullivan's contains graphic pictures).

My current favorite, from some anonymous person in the thick of it:

Ahmadinejad called us Dust, we showed him a sandstorm.

That's first-rate human drama there.

Quote for the Day

Their revolution will be Twittered:

@BabakMehrabani is saying that he was beaten by a baton and his right hand is numb. He is twitting with the left hand.

Quote of the Day

"I’m kind of a paranoid wreck."

--Robert Pattinson, everyone's favorite movie vampire, apparently not enjoying the trappings of heartthrob insta-fame. Who can blame him?

I was on this bus!

Six bus passengers were taken to hospitals this morning with neck and back injuries after an MBTA bus driver stopped suddenly to avoid hitting another vehicle near the Forest Hills T Station, according to a transit spokesman.

The Route 32 bus hit the brakes at 8:30 a.m. to avoid hitting a van that pulled out in front of it, said Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority spokesman Joe Pesaturo in an e-mail.

I was the last one to get on and was standing up near the driver. I held on as people dominoed into me. Lucky that I had a good grip on the handle and didn't go through the windshield! But surviving unscathed made me feel big & strong.

Twilight vs. Transformers

Him: Twilight is junk.
Me: Well I think Transformers is junk, how does that make you feel?
Him: Makes me feel like you're wrong.

In Hardcover

I had a coupon for Borders (30% off) and I'm a sucker for coupons. I went over during lunch to see if there was anything I couldn't live without. It seemed like a good chance to buy something I otherwise wouldn't.

Maybe that's why I ended up browsing the new hardcovers. Usually I avoid hardcovers. They're inferior to paperbacks in every way: they're heavier, difficult to hold with one hand, too expensive, and present the reader with the conundrum of what to do with a jacket that wants to slip off every second.

But when I spotted a new release from Alastair Reynolds, my favorite sci-fi author, I found myself quite willing to tolerate its hard cover, and, with the help of the coupon, its price. That's high praise.

But now I'm in a paperback pickle. Reynolds has a new hardcover out every June; the previous year's hardcover hits paperback each June, too. I've always been on the paperback schedule, for reasons mentioned above. Now I've crossed over onto the hardcover schedule. Which means next June I'll have to buy hardcover again, perpetuating the hardcover cycle, or miss a summer in Alastair's crazy brain.

Darn coupon, messing me up.

Tom Hanks hit by meteor

In case you were wondering, Conan at 11:30 is still Conan.

I wasn't able to stay up for the first episode of the new Tonight Show, but I caught it on Hulu yesterday. I must say, the new set design is very eye-pleasing -- and surprisingly old-fashioned, in a retro-cool way. I can't take my eyes off it. On the other hand, I could do without Andy Richter, whose presence inevitably means less screen time for Max Weinberg.

My my, New Hampshire,

aren't you looking lovely today!

New Moon: The Trailer

Me: Ugh. I was praying they'd use real wolves.

Him: It wouldn't be Twilight without shitty graphics.

See it for yourself here.

Driving My First Car Again

While visiting my parents in NJ last week, I got to drive around my first car, a Volvo from the 80s. I love that car. Funny to listen to the iPod in such an old car.

No, you are!

What a snailface.

Androids On Ladders

Science fiction TV and movies need to stop using prophetic plot devices. Lately prophecy and destiny seem to infuse sci-fi. You can trace it back at least to Star Wars, where it worked OK. Luke Skywalker's rise to challenge the Dark Side was "foretold," but it had the Force as a context.

But with something like The Matrix, it would've been enough for Neo to be a hero -- did he have to be "the One," the hero prophesied about by the ancients, too? Smallville, an otherwise good show about Superman as a teen, got so bogged down in Clark's search for ancient clues pointing him toward his destiny that it became unwatchable. Ditto Battlestar Galactica, where by the end it seemed even the characters' lunch menus were foretold in scripture.

The conventional wisdom, I think, is that if an android climbs a ladder, you've got an android on a ladder. But if you mystically foretell of an android one day being on a ladder, when he climbs one, you have a movie.

Only you don't. You still just have an android on a ladder. But an android with no motivation or responsibility, who's only there because he's "supposed" to be there, because this is the path the universe has laid out for him. And the idea that something is exciting or important solely because it happens the way it is "supposed to happen" is a storytelling crutch that needs to die a painful death.

Judging by the trailer the new Transformers movie looks like it's going down the prophecy road haaardcore, coopting Smallville's mystical symbols almost verbatim.

Which made me really glad that Star Trek avoids the destiny angle entirely, even though, as a prequel, it's particularly primed for it. It could oh-so-easily have had a character from the future sneak into the past to leave a trail of clues leading Kirk to the captain's chair. But Star Trek didn't need the crutch. When Kirk finally sits in the chair it's because he's earned it, because he's the best for the job, not because the universe was angling to get him there. He got himself there; and he did it in three years!

You could argue, I guess, that with Star Trek the audience is doing the foretelling. Because true, there's 40 years of pop-culture weight on Kirk's shoulders when he sits down. And the glamor shots of the Enterprise don't make us tingle because they look good, but because that's the Enterprise, baby!

But that isn't acknowledged in the story, and these things have to be judged on story. A story about an alien from Krypton becoming Earth's protector doesn't need to be buttressed by prophecy to be thrilling. A space opera about humans versus machines is exciting enough without any part of their adventure being "foretold."

I hate destiny. Destiny is lazy storytelling. Especially when there are so many good stories to be told about androids climbing ladders.

Love Train?

I'm sure meeting your future spouse on the commuter rail would make that vehicle from hell more endearing than it was in my experience. But still, getting married on the train?

That's liable to be the longest, slowest, most delayed, most frustrating, most uncomfortable, most overpriced, most squished-between-two-fat-peoplest, most obnoxious-guy-watching-Lost-on-his-laptopest, most breakdowniest, most unreliable wedding ceremony ever!

The happy couple will honeymooning at South Station...

It's OK. If you're a gay. In Uruguay.

The little South American nation of Uruguay lifted its ban on gays in its military today. Your turn, President Obama. Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell needs to go.

Acting Advice from Sir Ian

"How did I know what to say? The words were written down for me in the script."

Dead Until Dark: Sam

Maggie: Do you like Sam? Like Jacob, I find him very likeable but I want Sookie to be with Bill more than I wanted Bella to be with Edward.

Ben: I dislike Sam. I was suspicious of him throughout the whole book. It may be too late for me to like him. Something about his description was missing for me right away, too, and in the absence of whatever details would've made him more of a viable candidate for Sookie's affections, I filled in his looks as being older, overweight, unattractive, and lecherous. A greasy, sketchy bar owner who hit on the waitresses.

Maggie: I pictured Sam exactly as you described him and then had to adjust my image as we learned more about what he looked like. I pictured him much older, short, balding but hair arms and chest, wearing a grease-stained white wife-beater and holding a spatula. But the actor who plays him is young and cute - I guess for a TV show he had to be in order to be a believable love interest.

Ben: First impressions are maybe even more important in books than they are in real life... Once I get an image of a character in my head it's really hard to change it. I feel like when I see the TV show I'll think of that Sam as a prettied-up, bizarro version of the true, greasy spatula-holding Sam. Like a biopic starring a good-looking actor playing a person who was rather homely in real life.

Dead Until Dark

Maggie: Thank you for loaning me the True Blood book! Should we call the series Dead Until Dark (DUD?)

So, here we go again: let's tawk vampires. Let's start with sex. Then let's talk about how Bill compares with Edward.

Ben: I'm glad you liked the book! Don't you love Sookie? I like when she gets sassy in her Southern way.

The insta-sex was a relief after Twilight. When they were doing-it in the graveyard I was like, "I don't think we're in Forks, anymore, Toto!"

Maggie: The sex scenes were well done. I reread the first one and was impressed that it didn't contain any of the phrases and words typically used in sex scenes. And yet it was incredibly sexy. I love that though Bill is a gentleman and from another time, he is less concerned with Sookie's honor and chastity than Edward was with Bella's.

Aside from the general feeling that Bill and Sookie are more adult (which is in part because they are older and in part that it's an adult book), their relationship is similar to Edward and Bella's in a lot of ways. Do you agree? What else do you feel was stolen from DUD for Twilight? The love triangle, the hearing other people's thoughts except the one you are in love with, the other vampires being scarier.

Ben: I liked how well developed the book was. Even from the first few pages the world of the story felt rich with lots of interesting details. Everything with the synthetic blood, the drainers. It was clear the author spent a lot of time thinking about the implications of being a mind-reader and stuff too. It all seemed fully explored... That's one of the things that bothered me about Twilight, how a lot of things were just shy of being creative. Like, for example, vampire baseball. *Shiver*

Trekkie-in-Chief

He did, apparently, request a private White House screening of the new movie. Which makes one wonder if he had this commissioned:



By the way, the movie is a total thrill from start to finish.

Lunchtime Arrangments #2

Ben:
Lady Magatha,
--Writing to inquire about our lunch status. Are we still on? What would you like to eat? I am craving the vegan soup but will gladly venture over there if you'd prefer a burrito.
Sir Benedict

Maggie:
S.B.,
I implore your forgiveness for my lack of responsiveness. For shame, my anti-wrinkle cream has burned my skin and I have been distracted all morn.
I too am craving a vegan feast but need to restock my face wash supply in the mall. I am at in impasse. Let me consider for a few moments.
Or, I am happy to have you decide.
Yours, Magatha

Ben:
As one who understands the importance of face-wash, I would never wish to place an obstacle between you and the re-stocking of your supply. Thus I shall meet you around Back Bay at 1:09.
We can then shop and dine.

Maggie:
Forgive my wavering, but I think I might prefer to dine in the quieter vegan establishment, as we have much to discuss. Is that acceptable?
I can meet you at 1 if this plan is to your liking.

Ben:
I delight in your wavering and in your offer to partake of a menu of scrumptious soups and fantasy meats.
I will look for you here at 1:00.

Maggie:
Oh Tortlemain, my dear Torti! You are ever the gentleman.
Thank you for your kindness.
We shall sup on soup!
Magatha

Local Art Show

I went to an art show opening reception tonight. The theme was animals - how could I resist?

There were a lot of cat or dog photos, paintings and drawings. An oil-paint snake, a close-up hummingbird, a beautiful pencil drawing of an ape. Only a few had the red dot symbolizing that they'd been sold. Most were more than $300. The snake was $8,000. It was large and in an ornate frame.

My favorite by far was a slightly blurry photo of a dog baring it's teeth, possibly lunging. (Am I reading into that? Perhaps the dog is just hanging its mouth open? But I see attack when I look at it.) It is $200. If I can sell enough of my books on Amazon, I may buy it.

It hadn't won anything. The first prize was an unimpressive painting of a metallic gold sheep. Second prize was a dog painting that I liked more. I wonder what the prizewinners get. I wonder what People's Choice winner gets.

I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer.

In T-minus one day, I will be boldly going (split infinitive and all) where I rarely go anymore: to the movies. DVDs are usually so much more convenient, but something like STAR TREK requires a visit to the theater. Reviews so far have been pretty universally gaga -- I hope it delivers!

Floodgates

I think it's safe to say: they've opened.

Things are starting to move faster than I ever imagined. Iowa and Vermont last month. Maine today. Washington DC (kind of) yesterday. New Hampshire is moments away.

What's most exciting is that this is now being done by the states voluntarily with no court involvement.

Prop 8, as much as it hurt, was a turning point. A final injustice that woke up a lot of people. If you had told me even a year ago that public support nationwide for marriage equality would now be approaching 50%, I would've laughed. But here we are.

I want to do some traveling! There are so many more places I feel like I can go now.

Tummy Tubs

They can call them Tummy Tubs. But we all know they're baby buckets.

Timewaster of the Day!

The White House's official Flickr page has lots of cool behind-the-scenes photos.

Quote for the Day

I was scarred for life for a year!

--Paula Abdul on her encounter with Bruno.

Bo

I love how the press has all those microphones aimed at him as though he's going to say something.

The First Warm Day of the Year

Trees in my development.

Bushes in the woods.

We walked through the woods to this dog park to sit and watch the dogs play. I need to get a dog. I'm looking into fostering.

Poe Square!

I'm all for Boston having an Edgar Allan Poe Square, but does the intersection of Charles Street and Boylston really stir Poe-y feelings in anyone's heart? It may be near his birthplace, but when I think of Poe I think of him writing The Pit and the Pendulum in a mad frenzy and then falling into a gutter drunk. By Emerson and the Common, in view of PF Chang and the Four Seasons, is not a good place to fall into a gutter drunk. The only thing that can be said to be macabre about the area is perhaps the creepy way the Cold Stone Creamery people burst into song. But if a raven nests on the street sign, I'll shut up.

Plump Fiction

Worst parody I've ever tried to watch. I'm totally disappointed.

What's wrong with you Netflix? You said I'd love it - is that just because I loved Pulp Fiction and Natural Born Killers? Because that shouldn't be enough. You should take into account that this movie is a C-movie at best. When Sandra Bernhard is the biggest name on the cast, you know you have a problem.

Cross-species friendship

The Obama's New Dog

I know Malia has allergies that made the choice of adopted dog a bit tricky, but I was disappointed to read that the First Pet is a purebreed. I was excited when the Obamas announced plans to adopt from a shelter. I hoped it would encourage others to do the same.



I know everyone has a lot of opinions about the mysterious new dog. Here's my two cents: If my animal rescue volunteering has taught me anything over the last four or five years, it's that people are going to rush out to buy an Obama dog of their own. Then shelters will start seeing more of these dogs surrendered.



This routine has played out many times over. Years ago, a shelter manager gave me this example: A Disney movie starring husky dogs causes people to rush out and adopt one, not realizing the amount of exercise and discipline the breed requires. They end up in shelters. Many end up euthanized. It sucks.

David Sedaris

A good story.

Twilight Poems: Victoria and James

Victoria lost her mate
She plotted revenge fuelled by hate
She couldn't stay calm
So she went to the prom
To scout out Edward and his date
-Maggie

Victoria lost her mate James
Who she met on the shore of the Thames
From Forks to Phoenix James tracked
Then got killed when the Cullens attacked...
Yet somehow it's Bella she blames?
-Ben

Now Vic follows Bella around
Even on her night on the town!
She did up her hair
And found a nice dress to wear
But she had to go alone because her mate is dead those fucking vegetarian vampires I'm going to kill you and that succulent bitch human of yours.
-Ben

Woohoo, Vermont!

Nice work!

Twilight Summary in Comic Form

This is the funniest mockery of Twilight I've seen. The summary of all four books is hill-arious.

Dear Governor. Cont'd

In sharp contrast to the post below, here is someone seizing his moment. From Iowa today, a state senator, blocking a constitutional amendment there:



Brought a little tear to my eye...

Dear Governor

I'd like to send a big hearty fuck-you to the governor of Vermont, who today vetoed legislation that would allow gay and lesbian couples to marry there.

(The House and Senate will try to override his veto. Here's hoping they have the votes.)

What I can't understand in this matter is the inability of some people, like the governor, regardless of their personal feelings, to understand which way the tide of history is moving and to want to jump into it. I mean really. Don't they get it? Don't these people think of their legacy? Don't they worry about what their grandchildren will think of them? Don't they know they're going to be the George Wallaces of this generation?

Why do some people choose to be the last guardians of a bigoted past, when the future is just about smacking them in the face with the chance to be a hero?

Today would've been the first time same-sex marriage was legalized through purely legislative means. He could've made history. He failed. I hope someday soon he's deeply ashamed.

Overheard on the T

My husband had the kids at the grocery store and I guess some woman told him "Ooh, their skin is such a nice color." And my husband said, "Thanks, well my wife is black." And the woman said, "Oooh, so that makes them Hispanic?" And my husband was like, "Not exactly..."

Quote for the Day

Her boyfriend wears dresses. She was telling me. She came home one day and he was chilling in a polyester house dress. He said, "Look what I got today."

--Anonymous

Twilight Poems: New Conversions

A few friends hadn't read the book
So I suggested that they take a look
Now they're obsessed
I'm sure that you guessed
forbidden fruit provides quite a nice hook.

A few of them saw the flick first
and fell in love with Edward's blood thirst
now that they've read the series
we're swapping our theories
but since we're older, we feel like perverts.

Twilight Cookbook

I am an unlikely person to say this (especially after the recent limericks), but a Twilight Cookbook? Really? I detest movie tie-in merchandise.

I stopped in Hot Topic this weekend to pick up an AC/DC t-shirt, and was shocked to see the multitude of Twilight merchandise. Thankfully no bobble-heads, but plenty of t-shirts, stickers, posters, fake fangs, keychains, and jewelry.

As we stood at the register, Mike said, "Can I buy you a Twilight t-shirt?"

And I slouched to hide from the cashier, wishing he hadn't said anything. "No!" I said, pretending like the thought was beyond ridiculous.

Mike seemed confused that I rejected his offer. He knows I've watched the movie eight times so far. But seriously, let's not talk about it in public.

Twilight Poems: Edward Meets Charlie, Officially

Edward said, "Baseball will be fun,
And I'll bring her right home when we're done."
If he knew Bella smelled delicious,
Charlie would've been more suspicious
and done a lot more than clean that old gun!

Twilight Poems: Just Do It

Edward stirs a feeling that lingers
All Bella can do is make zingers
Bella wants sex
It's not that complex!
But Edward says not till he blings her.
-Ben

There once was a girl named Bella
her coordination wasn't too stellar
until her husband bit her
after he finally did her...
Oh man, he is one sexy fella
-Maggie

Twilight Poems: Mean to Charlie!

Bella "needed tests in Atlanta"

So her parents sent her a plant-a

The card said Get Well

Bella thought: Go to hell

Then she played with her secret infant-a

Twilight Poems: Hot & Heavy

Edward and Bella got heated
On her bed, which my mind has repeated
But Stephenie didn't like it
So Catherine said, "Strike it."
It's too bad that scene was deleted!

Twilight Poems: The Volturri's Hypocrisy

They claim to have no toleration
For exposing vampirization.
But at home it seems silly
How they feed willy-nilly!
Ate thirty tourists there on vacation!


-Ben

Twilight Poems: How to Kill a Vampire

Bella quickly learned
that even vampires can end up in an urn.
They can be killed
if you have the will:
just tear the body apart, and then burn

The tracker James is a beast
and he tries to make Bella a feast
but Edward said no,
set a fire aglow
and tore him apart piece by piece!


-Maggie

Iowa

Welcome to the Midwest, baby.

DES MOINES, Iowa - The Iowa Supreme Court says the state's same-sex marriage ban violates the constitutional rights of gay and lesbian couples, making it the third state where gay marriage is legal.

In a unanimous ruling issued Friday, the court upheld a 2007 Polk County District Court judge's ruling that the law was unconstitutional.

Unanimous!

Green Peace Guy

Upon settling in at a table at Brugger's Bagels...

Maggie: So I was walking down the street, and I saw these three Green Peace people. I was just going to walk by because I was in a rush to get here, but as I passed I noticed that one of them was shockingly goodlooking. He had buzzed hair -

Ben: I know that guy. Amazing eyes and a smile that would make you religious?

Maggie: Yes!

If you please

Ben: We are Sia-mese if you plee-ease.
Chris: We are Sia-mese if you don't please.
Ben: What movie was that from?
Chris: Lady and the Tramp.
Ben: Oh yeah yeah. What if instead of Lady and the Tramp there was a movie called Gentleman and the Slut? I guess that doesn't have the same ring to it.
Chris: That would be Pretty Woman.

Quote of the Day

"They are scheduled to return to Earth on Saturday."

--10 o'clock news

Where The Wild Things Are. Cont'd

The trailer is out and it looks amaaaazing. (Gotta love that music, too, and once again, I'm so glad the Wild Things are puppets.) This has definitely joined my list of most-anticipated movies of 2009, along with Star Trek and New Moon.

Twilight Poems: New Moon movie

I wonder if I'm going to cry
When in New Moon, Edward says, "Bye"
When Bella sinks to the ground,
I bet my tears will fall down.
I hope the next 6 months fly!

The Easter Bunny

Mom: The Easter bunny is in the plaza.
Me: Awww, that's cute.
Mom: It's just an idiot in a bunny suit.
Me: Yeah... I get it.

Where The Wild Things Are

I don't have any particular sentimental attachment to the book. Still, the movie (what little I've seen so far, including this poster) looks to be visually awesome. And count me interested in anything that brings Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers together.

Click for bigger.