F*** My Life.com

Whether to laugh or to commiserate, this site is gold.

(Hat-tip: Coworker Aaron.)

The Man Skirt

If you're Scottish and it's plaid and you wear the appropriate tall socks, that's fine, even kind of macho. If you're on a Caribbean beach and it's long and flower-patterned, and you're shirtless and buff, that's fine too. If you're some kind of ninja or monk or something, that's likewise totally acceptable.

But if it's just a skirt, no. No no no no no no no.

Pages

I bought the fourth book in the Twilight series yesterday and was surprised to find it clocks in at nearly 800 pages. One really good thing about this and the Harry Potter series is that they've taught kids not to be afraid of gigantic books, even to revel in them. I certainly never read anything even close to 800 pages until high school, when I discovered Stephen King. Nowadays you see 10-year-olds lugging around novels as big as they are. That has to bode well for the future of both the publishing industry and the American attention span.

New Moon: Stay Human or Get Lucky?

Maggie: I guess she is going to become a vampire at some point. I feel kind of sad. I was thinking that Edward probably doesn't want to see his delicate love chomping on a grizzly bear, and she probably doesn't want to have to watch him in killing action either. I wonder if they are going to make a big deal of their first hunt together.

I wonder how Bella's ability to block the special powers of all vampires will evolve if she's changed. It would be cruel of the author to have her power develop into something that put another barrier between her and Edward.

Ben: So you're pretty sure she's going to get vampirized at some point, huh? I think I'm equally as sure that she won't. My feeling is that in the end, Edward will die saving her life, and she'll get with Jacob. (That's my instinct at this point, anyway -- I remain 100% spoiler-virginal.)

Maggie: I'm still hoping she gets vampirized just because I want them to have sex. But I would be okay with it if he died protecting her from the Italian vampires and she got with Jacob. That would be deliciously tragic, but I like Jacob. I love that he was always so warm. I'd much rather snuggle up to a giant wolf man who was radiating heat than I would a smaller, stone-hard and stone-cold vampire body.

Ben: I like Jacob's warmth too. I think that alone is a big clue that he's the one Bella will end up with. As sexy and beautiful as Edward is, cold stone isn't something I'd particularly want to be in bed with (at least in the northern climate where they intend to live -- but I suppose it would be nice if they settled in Panama).

Maggie: Plus, theoretically she could have sex with Jacob, right? It's just anger that turns him, not general overwhelming emotions?

Ben: Here's an assignment for you: write some fan-fiction about Bella and Edward doing the deed.

Maggie: Your assignment made me realize that I don't really want them to do it. I'd rather just be teased for eternity!

Crumbling Book Industry

I sometimes sell used books on Amazon, so according to this article, I'm contributing to the demise of the book publishing industry.

What Text Messaging Costs

If you're like me, you frequently get annoyed with how much each text message you send costs, or how much extra you have to pay to have texts on your plan. Here's an article to justify your anger.

New Moon: Marriage and Hearing Voices

Maggie: So they are engaged? Or not? And was it really his thoughts/voice she was hearing or was it her imagination?

Ben: I think they're engaged-to-be-engaged. Seems Bella has a real aversion to marriage... As for the voices, I always just assumed it was her own conscience using his voice, like what she knew he would say if he were there to say it. You thought it was telepathy?

Maggie: I did imagine it as a telepathic connection since it only came up when she was in danger. I liked to imagine that he was able to keep tabs on her somehow. I didn't feel like she'd have been able to think clearly during the confrontation with Laurent, so especially with that scene, I felt sure she really was hearing his voice. I had no explanation for how that would happen. It was too sad to think she was truly just making it up.

New Moon: Werewolf Girl

Ben: Do you have the impression that Sam Uley maimed his wife's face in a fit of werewolfish rage? I was sure that's what happened, but now I'm not as sure. The werewolves don't seem to pose any danger to humans (at least intentionally) -- I think they only eat vampires.


Maggie: I am under the impression that Sam maimed his wife during the time when he was learning to control the temper that turns him. The werewolves are generally far less dangerous than the vampires. But Edward says that a young werewolf who hasn't learned to control himself can be very dangerous. Are werewolves only male?

Ben: So far the werewolves are all male, yes. They seem to only evolve in response to the presence of vampires. I hope there turns out to be lady werewolves, too, so they can be called she-wolfs.

New Moon: You Stinking Swear-Wolf

Maggie: I want more adult-like scenes. Like the makeout scene at the end -- they were touching each other's faces, which is romantic, but couldn't I just have a line where she runs her hands down his torso and maybe under his shirt to feel his skin? Or vice versa?

Ben: I agree about wanting more adultness. I just read a scene where Bella was really angry and she said "stinking" where any normal 18-year-old would say "fucking," you know? Or at least "damn." I'd rather have no swears at all than sanitized swears. Do you ever wonder what the book would be like if it were targeted at a 20-something audience? Say this is taking place in college instead of highschool. Or after college. If they're all 25. Would it be different?


Maggie: Towards the end of New Moon, she says "crap crap crap" when "shit" would have been much more realistic. I think it's stupid to use toned down swears. None at all are far better. I'm not sure it would work in college because Bella would be free to do anything she wanted without worrying about sneaking around her dad. The parental supervision adds to each minor and major crisis she goes through. Without Charlie to witness her going to pieces, would she ever have bothered to fake it long enough to go hang out with Jacob?

New Moon: Italy and Making Out

Maggie: The Italian vampires felt very Anne Rice-ish. In Interview With a Vampire, Brad Pitt's character also drinks animals' blood to avoid killing humans. They travel to Europe and run into vampire who seem more sophisticated but are cruel killers.



Ben: Their meeting in Italy was weak, I think. First Edward's like, "Oh, Bella's here, I must be dead." That's all? He kills himself over her, and then when he sees her, all he can do is ruminate on the afterlife? And once he realized he wasn't actually dead, there was no fanfare at all, really. I realize they were in the midst of a predicament, but shouldn't their joy have knocked everything else into the background, at least for a minute?


Maggie: I wasn't swooning at their reunion scene back in Bella's room as much as I thought I'd be. I loved that the make-out scene was a bit heavier than in Book One. And the vote that followed at the Cullens' house - I was kind of annoyed that Bella was just like "okay let's do this thing" as soon as the vote was completed in her favor. That didn't feel realistic.


Ben: I thought the should-we-bite-Bella vote was weird too, especially that Carlisle voted yes. I'm not sure that turning someone from mortal to undead really jibes with his Hippocratic Oath...

New Moon: Months Pass Without Edward

Maggie: I thought the scene where Edward leaves her in the woods was well-written. The descriptions of her depression were good. I've felt that crushing loss feeling before. It took my breath away when what followed was pages marked only October, November, December. What a creative way to show time passing with no meaning at all. My heart was broken just like Bella's.

Ben: Whew, I'm glad you're reading so I can finally mention the blank October, November, December pages. The first one I thought was just a normal part break, then the second and third ones were like a punch in the gut. And normally I don't care for textual inventions like that.

Have you minded Edward being off-screen for so much of the book? Are you less interested because of that? For me his absence works better than having them together. I think I'm more interested in Edward as an unattainable ideal. I relate to her longing for him. Her relationship with Jacob seems more mature and realistic or something.

Maggie: I don't mind that Edward was out of the picture for most of the book. Unrequited love is so much more interesting to read about.

If I was her and I felt sure that Edward was not coming back, I'd get together with Jacob. I mean, she may not love him romantically, but I bet lots of people out there in the world marry their best friend instead of their intense, passionate love.

I think if I was Bella, in real life, I would go for Jacob Black too. But since I'm reading about someone else's life, I'm glad she's taking the more reckless option and going with Edward. But Edward and Jacob are almost an even draw for me.

Quote for the Day

There are few places other than comic books where you can get away with lines like this:

"Guardian?! I thought you were -- "
"Dead? I got better."

--Superman #683

Shark attack

From the Department of Irony:

Witnesses reported seeing a dorsal fin and thrashing in the water before the sea turned red and the man vanished. Father-of three Brian Guest, 51, who had campaigned for many years for the protection of sharks... was attacked about 30 metres from the shore.

Dear Mr President-elect. Cont'd.

Interesting. Rick Warren's church apparently has removed anti-gay language from its website -- a small thing that could've been done for a number of reasons, but it does make me think that when Obama is associating with people with whom he disagrees, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to assume that they will influence him.

My earlier post here.

Buzzwords of 2008

A couple of my favorites:

Twi-hard: A fan of Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” book series about vampires. Rhymes with “die-hard.”

Phelpsian: Excellent in the fashion of the swimmer Michael Phelps.

Snow Day

Three days of snow in a row.

This afternoon, I snuggled under a blanket and watched a movie. I could hear kids yelling outside. It made me think of being little: I'd wake up, see the snow and wouldn't be able to get my snow clothes on fast enough. When snow meant playing and having fun, not grumbling and staying indoors.

Mad Men

I ordered the first disc from Netflix because I heard it was a good show. Mike and I watched the first episode and were both disgusted by it.

For him, as a former smoker, it was hard to watch every person in every scene smoking a cigarette.

For me, the portrayal of over-the-top sexism of the time was stomach-turning. I hope that maybe some of the female characters start to portray something of a feminist awakening in later episodes, but I'm not hanging around to wait for it. Nor am I optimistic that it ever happens.

Every single character was despicable - male or female. The women encourage each other to show more leg so the big-shot executives won't fire them. The men say things like, "Love doesn't exist - guys like me made it up to sell nylons." I don't mind shows that can be sad, like Six Feet Under often was, but I have a feeling this show will never make me feel good (Six Feet Under often did).

Quote of the day

"In a statement posted on the state's website at 5 a.m., [Governor] Patrick also urged businesses to tell employees not to come to the office today in an effort to avoid the gridlock that gripped the state last time a major storm struck during the afternoon commute."

--Posted by Ben... from the office.

(Hat tip: Co-worker Aaron, who diligently quantifies our misery....)

Dear Mr President-elect

I don't want to get into it too much (there's a decent argument here), but I think my first spat with Obama should make headlines of some sort. His selection of Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at his Inauguration was a bonehead move. Warren, among other dumb things, is against stem-cell research (which is currently saving my father-in-law's life) and thinks my marriage is somehow a violation of his free speech, whatever that means.

Obama has said he disagrees with the guy on a lot of things. Still. It's a missed opportunity. There are plenty of progressive clergy out there, who Obama could've put in the spotlight to show that the Religious Right doesn't have a monopoly on God or even on Christianity.

Boo, I say.

Final frontier

Mrs Roddenberry, who I happened to write about just a few days ago, passed away today at age 76.

Sad to see that.

Our Twilight

Ben: I'm looking into becoming a werewolf.

Maggie: Let's write a story about Ben as werewolf and Maggie as vampire.

Ben: Ooh. Let's. Can we fight for the love of a hot bisexual werepire?

Maggie: Excellent idea. Let's start by figuring out what he looks like... the details could take days to finalize. ;-)

**************************

Ben: So what should our werepire (assuming he should be a werepire at all (what is a werepire?)) look like?

Maggie: What if you're a werewolf, I'm a vampire, and our mutual love interest is something else. What else is there that he could be? If there are no options, then I think a werepire is a good idea - one who has to drink blood while in human form, but turns into a werewolf on the nights when the moon is full.

Ben: What if the love interest is just a mere-mortal human? We can have a throw-down for the right to change him into the winner's own immortal form.

Quote of the day

"As hard as it is to wait, as a reader, for a weekly update, it’s just as painful for your characters, who are living, breathing creations, to wait patiently in the dark for you to realize them onto the page. They’re no less real than you are; treat them that way."

--Karl Kerschl, one of my favorite comic book artists, on finding the time to keep his hobby projects going.

Beware the clutching of the face! Cont'd.

Apparently I was not the only one to notice this phenomenon.

There exists a blog devoted to pictures of stockbrokers clutching their faces. Gotta love the one from 1929.

Question for the day

Is it possible to write fanfic of your own work? Or is that an oxymoron?

If I were to write a story about Griff turning into a werewolf and robbing a bank, could it be fanfic or would it inevitably be canon, since I'm his creator?

If it's possible, is it sad?

Twilight: Vampirization

Ben: In the book, the vampires' physical beauty is attributed to an evolutionary advantage that draws in their prey. Since I don't think only models are allowed to become vampires, it makes me wonder what the vampires looked like before they were bit. When Edward was a mere mortal, were his features not quite as "absurdly ridiculously flawless" as they are post-vampirization? Did his eyes and nose adjust into perfect symmetry during the vampirization process? And along with their beauty augmentation, did they gain a heightened fashion sense, too, do you think? They all dress so well!

Maggie: I too wondered if they were beautiful before becoming vampires. They'd have to be, because some venom can't change the basic structure of your face, right? Things like that race through my mind and threaten to ruin books for me.

Ben: Well, in terms of someone transitioning from human to undead, it's not a great leap for me to imagine bone structure changing along with muscles, posture, etc. The vampire venom is probably a catalyst for major changes to DNA. Plus, the facial changes needed to turn an average-looking person into a model are probably depressingly minor anyway. A little off the brow, a little added to the cheekbones, and suddenly Sloth from The Goonies looks like Paul Newman.

Horton Hears a Who

On Sunday morning, we rolled out of bed and planted ourselves on the couch to watch Horton Hears a Who.

Jim Carrey was funny as the Grinch, though I didn't love the movie overall. Dr. Suess should not be live action. That big Grinch suit on a real person made it obvious that the Grinch probably should've worn pants. And the Who faces on the actors looked uncomfortable at best.

Jim Carrey as the voice of Horton was better. Though much sharper on Blu-ray, it reminded me of being a kid watching The Lorax or Green Eggs and Ham (except for a brief anime-style segment where Horton is imaging himself as a ninja who protects the tiny speck on which Whoville exists).

The evil Kangaroo who insists there are no people on the speck of dust felt like a blantantly obvious metaphor for the religious and political differences people clash over. That was part of the book, but it felt overshadowing in the movie.

There was nothing particularly outstanding about the movie - it was good because the book is great. When the Whos join together to make noise in an effort to save their world by proving to the other animals that they do in fact exist, it brought a tear to my eye.

And maybe it's just because I'm a crazy animal person, but I hoped that the line "A person's a person, no matter how small" could be interpretted not just as a cross-racial, cross-generational call for unity, but perhaps even as a call to respect animals - both wildlife and otherwise - more than we currently do.

That's probably just me being a crazy, but I looked down at the kittens scattered across the couch with me and wished that we as a society treated at least our companion animals better.

Shrek on Broadway

Lord almighty. Here's proof that some things should stay cartoons.

Before O-rise

If, like me, you're interested in graphic design, this interview with the designer of Obama's campaign logo is pretty cool. None of the alternate logos the design team came up with are near as good as the final one, but this one looks neat:


More alternate logos here.

Vice-Puppy

Looks like Mr and Mrs Biden will have some cute company when they move into the Naval Observatory next month.

It seems President-elect Barack Obama's children were not the only ones promised a dog after the presidential election. Biden's wife, Jill, made the same assurance to her husband if he and Obama, his running mate, won the election.

Since the puppy is from a K-9 breeder, I wonder if he'll join the Secret Service?

Is she a Mac or a PC?

Mrs Roddenberry will return to her role as the voice of the Enterprise computer in the upcoming Star Trek movie.

When I first heard about this reboot movie I was totally against it. Leave well enough alone, I thought. But almost everything I've seen of it since then has looked just right, including this.

Can she return as Lwaxana Troi, too?

Straight-razor shaving

A barber in Manhattan offers Cut Throat 101, a class in shaving with a straight razor.

New technology allows us to shave our face in just about any direction at any reasonable speed, like a freewheeling painter working on a shaving cream canvas. Operating a straight razor is different. It requires the precision of a surgeon and the flexibility of a yoga master.

My tip? Just don't shave at all.

Twilight: The Movie

I had to keep in mind that the movie, like the book, is aimed at teenage girls. So I tried not to be annoyed when it felt cheesy, melodramatic, even campy. I left the theater hating it. It felt too much like a TV movie. But by the time I got home, I felt better about it.

It was fun to compare my imagination to the visuals in the movie. I enjoyed hearing the song referred to in the book - Clare De Lune by Debussy. The name of it sounded familiar when I read it in the book. When they played it in the movie, I recognized it as the closing music to Ocean's 11. Overall, the soundtrack was decent, but the music felt too loud during a few scenes. It made me think, "Is this part of a montage?" It was distracting. But I loved that they used a Muse song.

Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella, reminded me a lot of the actress who played Jake Gyllenhal's love interest in Donnie Darko. Not only do they look alike, but her acting reminded me of that character too.

Edward wasn't quite as dreamy as I hoped. But it's hard to live up to the portrayal in the book, so I'll take it. But his make-up was bad. He looked absurd in some scenes. He rescues Bella countless times, and is both inhumanly strong and delicately gentle, polite and threatening. Robert Pattinson tried hard to convey the subtle shifts in emotion that Edward frequently experiences. For the most part, he did okay (exception being the scene where they first sit together in the biology lab).

I expected the other boys at school to be at least cute but they were normal looking people. And I don't mean Hollywood normal people. The boy who plays Jacob Black was cute. Looks like he'll have grown into a hottie by the next movie.

The sexual suspense between Edward and Bella felt more like a metaphor for abstinence that it does in the book. That irked me. When Bella's presence tempts him and they again acknowledge that part of him wants to kill her, I found myself rolling my eyes. But the movie also gives them a bit of a steamier kiss scene than the book - I was happy for that.

When they were being flirty high schoolers with each other onscreen, it occurred to me he's really 100 years old. Surely he would have matured beyond the mentality of a 16-year-old girl? This was less of an issue in the book (thankfully, because how could I explain that age gap away?).

Finally, the movie ended with prom, which was the icing on the cringe cake. I felt embarrassed to be sitting alone at a teen movie, surrounded by packs of teen girls. I rushed out as soon as the credits began.

Late night early

Moving Jay Leno to 10PM seems like a great idea to me. I've always liked the old-fashioned variety-show nature of the late-night talk shows, but they're on too late for me to watch on a regular basis.

Still, I wish it was Conan instead. Conan's gotta be miffed. After getting ready to become the king of late-night when he takes over the Tonight Show this spring, suddenly he's still going to be following Leno...

On the other hand, Conan's better as an underdog.

Today's Forecast

"Well, folks, it's going to blow today."


-NPR Weather Man

Mail

Every time I mail a letter I find it a little impossible to imagine it will get where it's supposed to go. The postal service is as mysterious as God.

Twilight Theories: A werewolf?

Ben: What if she's a werewolf? She can smell blood. He can't read her thoughts, suggesting that maybe she isn't human. Best of all, from a story perspective, what better than to make her a vampire's worst enemy? How Romeo & Juliet is that?

Maggie: I guess it's a possibility...

Ben: Maybe the Indians are werewolves. Maybe Jacob is a werewolf.

Maggie: Werewolves are not sexy.

Twilight Theories: A ghost?

Ben: What if she becomes a vampire too? Or or or what if she can't become a vampire because she's already dead? What if she died before the story even starts and now she's just a ghost? That's why she's so pale.

Maggie: OOOoooh, I wasn't thinking of twists like that. But have you ever heard of a clumsy ghost?

Ben: No, but maybe if she's not paying attention her feet sink through the floor so it only looooks like she's falling down. She's actually going through.

Fairly smart

Anyone who's ever had two dogs at the same time, or two cats, knows this is true.

However, I think the article is confusing a sense of fairness with a sense of unfairness. Many is the dog who complained when his sibling got a treat and he didn't. But show me the dog with two milkbones who's willing to give one to the dog who has none!

Weather Stripper

Saturday I went to Home Depot and bought some foam weather-stripping for around our condo's front door, which is not so much drafty as un-private. The walls between the condo units are miraculously sound-proof -- it's easy to imagine we're in our own house because we never hear any hint of the neighbors.... except when they're in the lobby. Then, because of the spaces around our door, it's like the door isn't there at all. So when we're watching TV -- and Dexter is chainsawing a person to bits or Bette & Tina are going down on each other -- and I hear one of the neighbors coming home, or someone checking their mail, I get embarrassed. I've always turned the volume down quick when I hear someone enter, which makes me feel like we have no privacy. But the foam makes a big difference. Dexter is now free to slash away and I don't need to worry about the neighbors getting suspicious.

Favreau-Groping We Can Believe In

Obama's young speechwriter is a linguistic prodigy... with a thing for cardboard cut-outs.

Synesthesia

Interesting article on tasting words and other varieties of synesthesia:

The most common forms of synesthesia involve associations of words, letters, or numbers with colors. Some estimates say that as many as 1 in 200 people may have word-color synesthesia.

I would be one of those 1-in-200. I've always gotten subtle vibes of color-feeling from words. With some words it's a lot stronger than others, but it's the strongest with names. The name Owen, for example, reminds me of the color yellow (for me the colors don't change -- a yellow word is always yellow). I never knew my word-color association had a name until a writing class in college when the teacher brought it up. Me and one other kid were like, "Wait, other people have that?"

I gave one of the main characters in my book a form of synesthesia I've never actually heard of, but which seems logical: he feels emotions in color. Normally it's reversed, and moods result from colors (why doctors offices are painted in calming earth-tones and never twitchy bright colors like fire-engine red). Maybe that's why I like words so much -- words I associate with pretty colors put me in a good mood. But I also like the idea that it could be the other way around for some people, that winning $100 on a scratch ticket could make them feel orange or purple or blue.

Thought for the day

Trust me, you haven't heard freaky until you've heard David Sedaris do a Billie Holiday impression.

Change.gov

Anyone following the Change.gov blog at all? On one hand it's kind of boring -- do you care to see a video of the new secretary of health & human services in a meeting on healthcare? -- but kind of fascinating too simply because it's there. I sense that the Obama administration is going to make it very easy for those so inclined to keep track of what they're up to.

Prop 8 - The Musical

An entertaining video from Will Ferrel's ridiculous website. As if Jack Black as Jesus wasn't good enough, Doogie's in it too. (I could do without seeing Andy Richter in short-shorts, though.)

As a sidenote, it's funny to see celebrities tackle a medium (the web video) perfected by amateurs. Who's imitating who now?

Vestival?

Um, no thanks.

Update: One of our readers went through with it.

Paraphrase of the Day

Pam: There was a poop on the front steps this morning.
Me: A poop?
Pam: A human poop.
Me: Did someone clean it up?
Pam: Someone put a napkin over it.

Twilight: Sexy Vampires

Maggie: What is it about vampires that is so sexy?

Ben: I think it's the sucking.

Maggie: I think it's the sucking and the neck. If they sucked blood from your arm or leg, it'd be a lot less sexy.

Ben: I think you're right about the neck. Leg-sucking is much less sexy.

Twilight: The Book

After a fourth person gushed about it, I picked up the first book in the Twilight series. Twilight is a young adult novel about a high school girl who falls in love with a vampire. The vampire returns her affection, but wants to drink her blood despite his strong love for her.

So starts the cliches: The vampires are godlike in their beauty. They can't go out in the sun. They become frenzied at the smell of blood. They hate themselves for being killers. Native Americans on a nearby reservation have an ancient pack with them.

The girl: Bella Swan is the biggest damsel in distress I can recall. Edward, her vampire love, is constantly rescuing her. She constantly needs his help. She's weak, clumsy, and slow both physically and mentally in comparison to his super-senses. She makes stupid decisions. She is no kind of role model for teen readers.

And I would love to be her.

I wish I could jump into the book, just for a chapter or so, and take her place. Because despite all of the cliches, Twilight is the best book I've read in months.

I can't remember the last time I thought a character in a book was as drop-dead sexy as Edward. (I want him. I want him.) Nor do I remember the last time I sped through a book this fast: I read the first 200 pages before I even realized it. I couldn't wait to get on the train on Monday and Tuesday just so I could get back to the story. I thought about the book, and about Edward, during work. Many times.

Just as Edward fights the compulsion to bite Bella, I am fighting the urge to rush out and devour the second book. I was unable to force myself to savor Book One, but I am going to wait to start Book Two for as long as possible.

Adblock Plus

For users of FireFox, Adblock Plus is a useful add-on. Quickens page-load speeds by not downloading the banner ads that litter your favorite websites (where once was ads will now be empty space). I could do without the red stop-sign icon it places in the toolbar, though.

Secretary of Bad Eyewear

Senator Daschle, you simply cannot be allowed into the Obama administration until you give Sally Jesse Raphael back her glasses!

Now that's what I call a Swimsuit Issue!

Sports Illustrated named everyone's favorite swimming sensation Sportsman of the Year.



(Hubba hubba.)

Yes I Will

be downloading this free Obamafier plug-in for PhotoBooth tonight.



Stay tuned for pics tomorrow.

Open Thread

Wow, do we need a Gossip Girl open thread?

XOXO
Gossip Ben

Something Said About Me Last Night

"Wow, she really obliterated that coat tree."

Babawah Wahwah

Nice Barbara Walters interview with the Obamas. Wait for the lipstick moment.

Elementary, my dear Watson

Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law had to flee the set [of Sherlock Holmes] when a gas tanker exploded in a fireball. Then, Downey Jr. was knocked unconscious by 350-pound stuntman who accidentally punched him during a fight scene. The actor was “out cold” for six seconds and “drooling blood” before medics could bring him around.

It's funny, but can't you just picture RDJr getting knocked out by a stuntman? Then he'd stagger back to his feet with a brrrr of the lips and a sarcastic double entendre.

This American Life

The Showtime version of the This American Life radio show is unusually macabre. Yes, you will see the cracked-out wife of a bloated former guitarist in a cemetery weep over an album of old photos. Yes, you will see a plastic tube of boar jizz plunged into a pig's vagina during a round of meat-factory insemination. Yes, you will see a stubborn farmer gored repeatedly in the loins by his cloned pet bull.

You will even be slightly offended by Ira Glass's glasses.

All in all, you'll see that This American Life has a face for radio.

Happy Anniversary to me

As one of my coworkers pointed out, today is my five-year anniversary at work.

Well, five years minus the perks-negating 8-month sabbatical I spent quivering unemployed in the putrid bowels of Providence, Rhode Island.

Five years in spirit!

Slave to decorum

From a review of a biography of old-school etiquette guru Emily Post:

The flawless performance of roles is a pretty good definition of etiquette. Mrs. Post said over and over that "character" mattered far more than "trivialities of deportment" when it came to correct manners. Yet she kept faith with traditional social hierarchies... She was so companionable with her maid, for instance, that they used to go to the movies together, arm in arm, then out for ice cream. But at dinnertime, Hilda ate in the servants' quarters, and Mrs. Post sat at the dining table alone.

I read that review weeks ago and the image of the woman eating alone at a big table stuck with me as particularly sad. Certainly she would've enjoyed herself more if she'd flipped convention the bird and invited her maid to the table. Sometimes I'm too much of a slave to decorum too. For example, I feel guilty staying in bed past a certain hour on the weekend, even if there's no one home and I have nothing to do.

Then again, I did marry a dude, so I guess it balances out.