My Amorous Neighbors

The other night I thought someone was being raped in the apartment next door. To be sure, before I called the police, I pressed my ear to the wall.

I finally concluded, from the tone of the word "baby" that peppered the woman's moaning, that it wasn't rape. At first I felt relieved that I wouldn't have to file a police report or be called to the witness stand, but then I began to feel a little put-on. Was this for real? Who moans like that? I mean really! Was she winning the lottery with each staccato slam of the headboard against the wall? Did each shriek mark the solution of some great human mystery? Was the sex really that good? Is sex ever really that good? Or was she just putting on a show?

The moaning was steady over the course of a half-hour period from 1:30AM to 2AM. From the man, there were some soft guttural growls.

What's funny is that I never heard any evidence of the neighbors' existence until that robust session. And there have been lots more since, always with the same vigor and enthusiasm. Yesterday's session was held in the bathtub -- I could hear them sliding around like a couple of seals. I've considered that she may be a "working girl," which would account for the drama and the odd times (sex at 4PM on a Monday?).

Until the answer is revealed (if it ever is), me and my cats (who seem equally intrigued) will remain morbidly curious.

IMAX 3D

Yesterday I went to see Superman Returns at the IMAX. Certain action sequences were converted to 3D for an additional thrill. The 3D didn't impress me very much because I found it made everything look small. For example, Lex's yacht couldn't really fit in front of you, thus when it appears possible to touch it, it looks like it must be a model. However, the flashback where young Clark is learning to fly ended up being almost... erotic. My feelings for Brandon Routh are far too majestic to ever approach the sexual, but his teenage counterpart, Stephan Bender, is, I'm sorry, a hottie. And it was like he was right there in front of me!

Adult movie producers take note: the market for 3D porn would be unlike anything the world has ever seen.

Providence Impressions: Rah-Coco's

Yesterday I thought since I prefer to support the independent comic shop rather than a chain, I'd check out what 1-888-Comic-Shop told me was the closest one to my new apartment. I thrilled at the idea that there could be a Comicopia (my Boston shop)-like store within a mile from me.

Well, it was easy to find... geographically... but its exact location was among many doors in a warehouse-type building at the end of a dead-end road, accessed via the parking lot of an auto body shop. I had to ask the pale, long-white-haired man smoking on the stairs outside the door whether this was "Rah-Coco's." He said "mm." I went in and was stared down curiously by three middle-aged employees, including an oldish woman whose presence in a corner threw me for a loop, and one disembodied voice asking "can I help you?" as I searched around for the new releases. It was very dungeon-like, dark and tight and chock full of collectibles -- I don't even know what I mean by collectibles, because I can't recall any particular object -- and it took me a while even to find any comics, which then were all back-issues. I asked the woman for the new releases; she said she was just putting them out now, and to come back. I said I would. Then I climbed over the white-haired man, who was now sitting and filling the width of the stairs, and went to the nearest Newbury Comics.

It made me miss Comicopia's bright yellow walls, its easy navigation, its hairy-but-friendly yoga-master owner. But something tells me I'll go back to "Rah-Coco's," if only to peruse the back issues.

Rancid

I have nothing insightful to say about seeing Rancid in Boston. Just that it rocked.

And I wish I had a mohawk.

Political Satire

Want to know what's going on?

Utne magazine says: "Ask a Comic."

Toxicity

I read an interesting article over the weekend that asked a good question: Why do people strive to eat organic food but ignore all the other toxins in their lives?

The article went on to discuss all the terrible chemicals (some known carcinogens) in carpets, mattresses and cotton sheets and clothing.

I looked into this further, learning that the cotton needed to make a single pair of jeans typically gets 3/4 of a pound of pesticides. That cotton crops are the biggest pesticide problem - contributing to poisoned water and depleted soil. It doesn't stop with the crops though, cotton is processed using many other chemicals. Then you wear it, or sleep wrapped in it, exposing your absorpitive skin to the toxins. (Or worse, the chemical-treated cotton goes to tampon production.)

And that new car smell? That's toxins coming out of the leather and carpeting. What's creepy is that we love that smell. Just like we love the smell of Lysol, clean clothes, perfumes, new shoes. We associate those smells with goodness and cleanliness, when they are really just the opposite.

I've learned that there are organic options for mattresses, carpets, furniture, sheets, and clothes. Contrary to what you might think, those options are just as comfy and soft, and they look the same. The furniture and carpets and mattresses are far more expensive, and pillows made from organic cotton are $30-$50 each. But organic cotton sheet sets are in the same price range as regular sheet sets. Organic cotton underwear and shirts are just slightly more expensive - averaging $10-$15 for one pair of underwear and around $20 for a simple t-shirt.

I'm thinking of starting a move to a green home with sheets sometime in the next couple of months.

Look into this. You can start at Sustainable Cotton which has a good summary of why cotton is one of the biggest issues.

It's scary that the products we think are safe, or the things we consider improvements over the way things were done 100 years ago, are so bad for us.

Lord of the Flies

The new issue of Bitch magazine has an article titled "Reading is Fundamental: Eight Books That Taught Us Something About Sex" by Juliana Tringali.

One of the subheadings is called "Island Crush," a vingette about Lord of the Flies that cracked me up. Here are a few snippets that give you the jist:

"As a 14-year-old, I saw in the book not a microcosm of world politics, not a commentary on the inherent evil in all men, but a tropical paradise populated by sweaty, smoldering, scantily clad boys... English boys."

"William Golding wrote his male characters to embody concepts like good and evil... Golding gave us the tantalizing dichotomy of Ralph and Jack. Who would you most like to get to second base with in a secret thicket? I spent such a large portion of fourth period pondering this, it should have been an essay question."

I never thought of Lord of the Flies in this light despite the fact that the whole stranded-on-an-island concept is a sexy premise. I guess I was just too young to think of the boys as attractive. Now they're so much younger than I am. That takes away any possible allure. The only feeling I remember having while reading it was pity for Piggy.

Guess I missed out...

Ennis vs. Bruce

Heath Ledger is the Joker? He's someone I never would've thought of, which probably means he'll be interesting and good.

I fondly remember, back in the mid-90s, Heath fighting medieval wizards in a WB show called ROAR. Despite his Australian brogue and his jumping around in leather pants, the show was bad, and thus short-lived, but I scrambled each week to tape every episode.

And now, after an Oscar nomination for his man-love in Brokeback Mountain, Heath is hopping into the DC Universe to show us his batshit crazy side. I can't wait.