Bathroom Discourse, Part 1

I didn't leave work for lunch yesterday, which called for a mid-afternoon bathroom stop on-premises. I hate public bathrooms and avoid them at all costs. I don't understand how men can be comfortable peeing next to each other. There are several bathrooms where I work, both in the main office and outside in the classrooms corridor. On the rare occasions that I don't go out for lunch, I use the outer bathroom, which is more likely to be used by customers or students than fellow staff members. I figure, if I have to pee beside someone, I don't want to know them.

There are three small urinals and one stall. The stall, while more comfortable, I avoid because being seen using it would showcase my urinal discomfort. The leftmost urinal never has any water in it, so I avoid that too. I always use the middle one. They are small and close together.

So anyway, I'm going, trying to be quick about it like always, when I hear the bathroom door open. I brace myself, step closer to the urinal, as I suddenly feel very exposed.

"Just pee and flee," I tell myself.

The person steps to the urinal on my right, unzips. I sense awkwardness. I keep my eyes down, but I can tell via peripheral vision that it's HotNewGuy because he wears the same collared Gap polo shirts as me. He's also taller than I realized. I don't know if I should talk to him. Does one acknowledge another in the bathroom? Do people chat while peeing? I have no idea what bathroom etiquette is. He doesn't say anything and neither do I. I zip up (it seems so loud!), turn quickly to the left and step away from the urinal. I wash my hands. And as I'm pulling a sheet of paper towel, I hear him start to *go.* I had to chuckle. For some reason I felt empowered by the fact that it took him at least 45 seconds to get a stream going. If we had both been uncomfortable by the other's presence, he was the only one to reveal it. I was a bathroom master.