The Traditional style of relating is often seen in our parents and grandparents - where one person is more dominant than the other in certain areas. For example, he may bring home the bacon while she may run the home.
More rare is the Merged style, where two people’s identities actually form one whole identity rather than two separate individuals. You often see this relationship when people get together when they’re really young, especially in adolescence, when you don’t have your identity fully formed. Or with older couples who’ve been together for 50 to 60 years; they probably started out as Traditional, then merged together.
Many people find they have the Roommate style of relating. In this style, you have two relatively equal individuals. They may live together, be married, they may have sex, they may have children, own a home, but they make decisions unilaterally. They’re not making decisions together in a partnering way. The Roommate style can work when everything is status quo. For many couples, it’s kind of like leading parallel lives; they only come together around certain things. However, when there is a major life change or when one person wants things to be different, it can often be a struggle. So if you have children, there’s a big move, a job change, or a financial change, this style of relating can lead to dissatisfaction or havoc.
Of course, none of these is "better" than any of the others, but Doc Jan has presented an interesting summary here. I think it's pretty accurate, but I feel like most relationships are all of these things in rotation. You may be Roommates when it comes to social lives, Traditional when it comes to apartments or finances, and Merged when it comes to dealing with each of your families. In my experience, I think your style depends on your setting or on what issue you as a couple are dealing with this month.
1 comment:
I agree. I would say Chris and I are all of these at varying times.
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