Kiwa hirsuta Takes A Job

This newly-discovered sea creature has accepted a position in my department, doing something with book-cover design. He started this morning and sits a few cubes over from me. I overheard him say into his cellphone that since his solitude was disturbed at the bottom of the ocean, he figured the next best thing in the way of total isolation was an office cubicle.

I'm not sure of his name. It might be Stuart. We weren't, of course, actually introduced to this new person at all. At least us lowly EAs weren't. This is standard practice. When new employees are given the office tour, somehow the introductions skip us. We, or at least myself, are then left to interact awkwardly and second-handedly with the new person for the remainder of their tenure.

He carries a briefcase, which I find odd. What would he put in it on his first day? And as he walks he tap-tap-taps the side of the briefcase with a free claw, as though constantly trying to prove its solidity. And he's a bit too dressed-up, if you ask me, but I guess everyone over-dresses on their first day. (I, for example, wore a tie.) Also, he wears his cellphone clipped to his belt, as though he were on call or some kind of rescue worker. You'd have to live ten miles below the surface of the sea to not know that that's a major fashion faux pas. Oh, right.

Well, he's a curious addition to our staff, that's for sure. And I don't think he's a natural blond.